Lindsey's Party
by coolcatz
Summary: Lindsey. Party. Dead Body. DNA. Please note rating change for adult situations.
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer: don't own them otherwise the dna test would already have been done.

Lindsey knew that her mother wouldn't approve of the party so she didn't even bother to mention it to her. Odds were her mom would be working that night anyway so it would be easy enough to sneak out and go. She'd have a great time, be back before her mom got off and no one would be the wiser. This was the one advantage of her mom working nights. It never interfered with Lindsey's social life. She was the envy of all her friends, able to go to late night parties and to go out with the high school boys. This was a big advantage to her mom working nights. The guys that she could see. She knew her mom would never approve of them so mom not being home at night made it easier to sneak out and see them.

The party was out in Henderson on a Friday night and almost everyone was going to be there. Lindsey made arrangements to catch a ride with some guy named Barry, a junior with a brand new cherry red mustang. She told him to meet her at the end of the street so that no one would see whom she left with. Barry was tall and lanky with long brown hair and eyes that reminded Lindsey of her dad. It didn't hurt that Barry was also the drummer in a garage band. And that he was constantly in detention (oh, bad boy!). Or that he had a smile that went on for miles. Yeah, he reminded her of her father in so many ways. The fact that if her mother knew about him and how like Eddie he was made him even hotter to Lindsey. Barry made sure Lindsey was buckled in before he took off. Neither one really said a word during the drive over, instead they listened to the CD Barry had playing in his stereo. Barry made one quick stop at a liquor store. One of his friend's dad owned the store and he knew he could get some beer without any hassle. Quick stop—in, out. No questions asked.

They parked as close to the party as they could. There were at least three dozen other cars parked along the street. Barry shut the engine off, climbed out and walked around to open the door for Lindsey, grabbing the beer after she was out. They walked hand in hand to the house at the end of the street, listening to the music that was blaring from somewhere on the property.

The party was in full swing when they arrived. Lindsey decided she needed to make up for lost time and quickly downed several beers before leaving Barry with his band buddies and heading out to the pool. It was abnormally hot for this time of night and Linds thought she might take a dip. The pool was full of other drunken, horny teens, some in their clothes and some choosing to go skinny dipping. The latter was obviously much more fun so Linds stripped her clothes off and jumped in.

Meanwhile, Barry and his friends had pulled out some instruments and started a jam session. Linds could hear the music coming from inside and decide that she should go in and watch her sexy drummer guy, make sure none of the skanks made a move on him. She threw on her shirt and panties and made her way inside.

Detective Vartan arrived on the scene after the department received several calls from the neighbors about the noise. As the rolled up on the scene they saw teens scattering in every direction, dropping bottles and other party paraphernalia as they ran. "Typical," said Vartan as they exited the cars and approached the residence. "Ten'll give you twenty that the parents are gone," said Officer Robbins. Vartan knocked at the door but there was no answer, most likely due to the fact that the music was blaringly loud and their knock was unheard. Vartan sent Robbins and two other officers around to the back of the house, then opened the door and walked in. What they saw was the typical "parent's left town so let's have a party scene." Drunk and high teens stared at the officers knowing it was too late to bale and hoping that there was some way they could get out of there without their parents being called. Vartan divided up the remaining officers and they proceeded to go thru the house shutting down the party.

Vartan, following the music, walked towards the back of the house and into the large family room where he found the source of the music. A group of boys who thought they were the next Def Leppard. Vartan smirked, the only thing these boys had in common with them was the volume of their music. The rest of the room was filled with teen girls, each looking to get a piece of the band. One girl, however, stood out over the others. A small blonde, wearing just a shirt and panties. She was standing by one of the boys in the band and Vartan immediately recognized her as the daughter of one of the csi's. She looked just like her mother----only younger. And she was completely hammered. She looked in his direction and panic hit her as he walked towards her. Lindsey Willows knew she was so busted! He pulled out his phone to make a call to Lindsey's mother, but, before he could, he was called to the pool area by one of the officers on the scene. The body of one of the partiers floated silently in the now still pool. Vartan called it in and went back inside to make sure the young Miss Willows was still there.

Nick and Grissom were sitting in the breakroom when the call from Vartan came in. Grissom had been trying to keep Nick out of the field in order to allow him time to recover from being buried alive. Nick's physical wounds had healed quickly, it was the emotional damage that worried Grissom. Nick was a great csi and a good friend and Grissom was afraid that sending him out into the field too soon would cause more harm than good. However, everyone else was out on assignments so Grissom took Nick with him. A floater at a teen party was generally an easy case to solve, Nick would basically be there as support and to bag evidence.

Officer Robbins greeted them when the arrived and escorted them to the pool area so they could begin processing the scene. He took Grissom to the side and told him Vartan wanted to speak to him before he got started. Grissom looked to Nick and told him to go ahead without him while he went to find Vartan.

Vartan saw Grissom heading towards him and went to greet him at the sliding glass doors. It would probably be better for Grissom to call Willows since they were co-workers. Vartan Look Grissom there's something you may want to take care of yourself, one of the party goers is Willows daughter.  
Grissom, Thanks Det. have you taken her statement yet?  
Vartan they're being questioned at this moment.  
About then Nick comes in  
Oh man Gris you are not going to belive this one of the kids I was taking a DNA sample from…  
Grissom, I know Nick its Lindsey. I'll take care of her you just finish processing the scene.

Grissom walked thru the door and over to where Nick said Lindsey was sitting. He couldn't believe what he saw, it was like déjà vu. There sat Lindsey, barely dressed, eyes vacant and glassy due to the alcohol. The site of her nearly broke his heart. He knew how hard Catherine had worked to provide for Lindsey so that she wouldn't have to go thru the things she had gone thru. He knew how much she worried that Lindsey would turn out just like her. And, now he knew why.

"Lindsey?"

"Um, hello Uncle Gil." She looked cautiously at him, not sure what he was going to do. "Mom too busy to come herself?"

"C'mon, Lindsey, let's go." Gil took her hand and helped her stand, then wrapped his arm around her for support as they walked out to the Denali. He helped her into the vehicle, making sure she buckled herself in before closing the door.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Gil unsure whether he should say anything and Lindsey afraid of what he would say. The deafening silence was unbearable and Lindsey was the first to cave.

"I, uh, never did this before. I swear."

Gil cut her off, "Lindsey, lying isn't going to help the situation."

"But I…"

"I'll have you processed back at the lab, then I'll take you to my office for your statement. That should give you enough time to sober up before we call your mother."

"OK," she replied, meekly.

"Linds, I know you don't want a lecture and right now it wouldn't do any good so I'm not giving you one."

"Thanks, Uncle Gil."

"But, Lindsey, promise me you'll never do this again."

She didn't answer, choosing instead to look out the window.

Gil laughed softly, "Just like your mother." Lindsey glared at him, then turned back to the window hoping he'd get the message. The rest of the ride was in silence.

Grissom needed to process Lindsey but all the female csi's were in the field. He searched the lab until he saw Jacqui DeFranco. He knew the fingerprint specialist was a friend of Catherine's and that she would be discreet about the whole incident. She had been with the department for years and, while not a csi, knew the procedures for processing someone. Most importantly, Grissom trusted her with Lindsey. While she was being processed Grissom went in search of a small jumpsuit so she wouldn't be walking around half-naked. Again he was reminded of the times Catherine had come to him after Eddie had beat her. Always in her nightclothes, often high, bruised and swollen. He'd let her in, help her clean the wounds, then send her off for a shower while he rummaged thru his drawers to find her something clean to wear when she was done. And, now, he would do the same for Lindsey.

Jacqui had finished processing Lindsey, putting the last bin in a box to be taken to the lab techs for analysis. She looked at the young girl and grinned. Lindsey smiled back, surprised.

"You know, when I was your age, I was busted at the skating rink by my best friend's mom. She caught me drunk and making out with a guy who was 9 years older than me. It's funny now, but back then, I was so pissed off and horrified. I knew her mom would tell my mom and that would be the end of my relationship with the boy and the end of my social life for the next 30 years. I promise you, when you tell your mom, it won't be as bad as you think. Just remember, she loves you and would do anything for you."

Lindsey realized she was getting a lecture, "Whatever."

"Suit yourself. C'mon, I'll take you to the locker room and you can clean up before your mom gets here."

The walked to the locker room and found Grissom was waiting for them, jumpsuit in hand.

"Here, this is for you. Jacqui, you'll stay with her?" She nodded affirmatively. "Thanks. When you're done bring her to my office and we'll wait for Catherine there. I need to call her and let her know Lindsey is here." With that Gil left them and headed back to his office. He'd put off the call as long as he possibly could.

When he entered his office he closed the door behind him. He knew this was not going to go over well and he wanted as much privacy as possible during this call. He dialed Catherine's cell. Two rings. Three rings.

"Willows."

"Catherine, I need you to come back to the lab."

"And I need to finish processing this crime scene so I can be home before Lindsey goes to school."

"Warrick's on his way. I'll see you in 20 minutes." Damn, now he'd have to pull Warrick off his case in order to keep from lying to Catherine.

"Damn it, Gil!" Catherine was getting a little ticked off. She had work to do and she didn't need to take a break.

"Catherine, now."

"Gil Grissom, do not use that tone with me."

"Catherine," this time he spoke softly, "I wouldn't be calling you back unless it was important. Please."

"Fine. I'm on my way."


	2. Chapter 2

disclaimer: not mine. yet.

Click. Click. Clickity click. A sound all the occupants of the building knew well. The sound belonged to one person. The sound itself revealed much about the owner. Soft and slow when she was relaxed. Scratchy when she was tired and her feet shuffled over the hard floor. Light and upbeat when she was happy and well rested. Loud and quick when she was angry.

It was this pattern that those inside the building heard tonight. As the sound approached each of them they would withdrawn a little further into their own area, silently praying that she would pass them by. Hoping her anger was not directed at them, all of them except for the man in the large office towards the back of the building. He had heard the sound and he knew her anger was directed at him. He had called her back to the office an hour ago, sending someone else to finish processing her crime scene. Lucky for him this gave him time to prepare for her wrath.

The door to his office flew open, reverberating off the wall several times from the force she used. She marched over to his desk slamming her hand down hard.

"What the hell was so damn important that you had to pull me off my case?" The glare Catherine gave Gil would have destroyed any other person in the lab. He squirmed slightly in his chair.

"Sit down." He pointed to the sofa against the wall as he rose from his chair.

"No." She wasn't budging until she had her answer.

"Sit down. Please." This time he took her by the elbow leading her to the sofa. When she still refused he sat down himself and tugged her down with him. He looked at her not saying a word.

Catherine realized now that his reasons for calling her back might have to do with something other than her job. Her mind filled with dozens of scenarios, the majority involving her daughter. Gil saw the panic in her eyes and knew immediately where her thoughts had taken her.

"She's fine." It was almost the truth.

"How did you…?"

"Shhh…I need to tell you about my case tonight." This was unusual. Gil had never called her in from a scene to talk about one of his cases in the nearly twenty years they had been working together.

"It was a 419 in Henderson, kid drowned in a pool at a party where the parents weren't home. We were headed for the pool to begin processing when I was called into the house to talk with Vartan." He paused not knowing exactly how to tell her about Lindsey.

"When he arrived on the scene he found Lindsey…"

"No, she's at home with my mother." Catherine was shaking her head.

"…he found Lindsey and she was…she had…" He was trying to choose his words carefully but Catherine was impatient.

"What? What happened to her? You told me she was fine." Her mind once again filled with the images all mothers dread.

"She is. Now." His voice was calm.

"Now?" Unfortunately, Catherine's voice was not calm.

"When he found her she had been drinking." Catherine stood up headed for the door to Gil's office, determined to find her daughter.

"Where is she?" The anger in her voice felt by the bodies in the morgue.

"Sit down"

"Where is she?" She was going to kill her daughter once she was sure she was safe.

"I'll tell you when you've calmed down."

"Calm down? She's thirteen, she snuck out of the house to go to a party and she was drinking and you are telling me to calm down?" Her face and neck were red with anger. She shoved Gil to the side and bolted for his door. He barely caught her arm, pulling her back into his office and shutting the door.

"Yes I am. If you go talk to her now you'll say things you'll regret later. Five minutes." He let go of her arm, watching her pace back and forth like a caged animal. His office was silent except for the sound of her heels on his floor. Time was frozen. Gil hated doing this to her but knew the damage that could be done between mother and daughter if she went to Lindsey at this time.

Catherine continued her pacing for a good half hour, finally stopping to raid his stash of chocolate covered grasshoppers. She didn't really want the grasshoppers but it was the only chocolate he had in his office. If she didn't eat something she'd talk and if she talked right now she would tear Gil to pieces for keeping her away from her baby.

She'd calmed down just enough to realize her daughter had been found at a crime scene. She was still angry but the need to make sure Lindsey was safe was greater than her anger. She flopped down in Gil's chair, container of grasshoppers in hand and propped her feet up on his desk. He was still firmly planted in front of his office door. She knew he didn't feel she was calm enough to talk to her daughter yet. As frustrating as it was she admitted to herself that he was probably right.

He often was where Lindsey was concerned. He had been there since before Lindsey was born. He had helped her through morning sickness when they were at crime scenes. They wrapped Lindsey's first birthday presents together in the break room. He was there when she got the call from Eddie that her daughter had spoken her first word (Daddy), taking her out for coffee in an effort to cheer her up because she felt like she was missing all the major events of her daughter's life. When a little boy in preschool had chased Lindsey with spiders he was there to calm her down and show her how harmless a spider could be. When she turned five he bought her a small butterfly habitat and helped her set it up.

After Catherine had finally decided to leave Eddie, he was there to talk with Lindsey to make sure that she knew her parents were not the only ones to ever divorce. After Eddie passed away he would show up unannounced, taking Lindsey out to just spend the day together. It wasn't a regular thing but it did make her daughter feel as if she had some sort of father figure in her life. More recently, he had been there for Catherine as Lindsey had begun to rebel giving her advice and supporting her decisions when everyone else around her found fault with them.

So even though she felt as if she could rip him apart right now she trusted him enough to just sit and wait till he felt she was calm. Of course she would still look at him with daggers in her eyes---no sense in letting him know his instincts were correct. This was mostly a wasted effort on her part because Gil had pulled Harry out of his case and had been playing with him for the past ten minutes (another good reason to stay put). He was completely oblivious to her glare.

She reached for another grasshopper only to find she'd emptied the container. Pulling open his bottom right drawer she dug around until she found his secret stash of fortune cookies and pulled the bag out, only to find there was just one cookie left. Gil looked up when heard her pull the bag out.

"Toss me a cookie." He held up his free hand waiting for the cookie wrapper to make contact.

"Sorry, last one." She ripped open the plastic and took the cookie out.

"Fine, we'll split it." He put Harry back in his case and walked over to his desk. Catherine broke the cookie in half and pulled out two fortunes that were twisted tightly together. She tossed them on the desk and handed him his half of the cookie.

"Aren't you going to read the fortune?" He couldn't believe how easily she had tossed them aside.

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"I really don't see how some mass produced "ancient Chinese secret" can predict the future or give me some profound insight into my past."

"C'mon Cath. It's just for fun."

"No."

"Why? Did you have a traumatic experience with a fortune as a child?" He smiled as he said this.

"I don't believe in fortunes."

"Please." He gave her his special Catherine grin, winking at her. "For me."

"Just give me the damned fortune" she said as she snatched them from his hand, untwisting them and throwing one back at him. One of these days she was going to wipe that smile off his face.

Unrolling her fortune she read it out loud.

"Your past is not as it seems." She lifted her eyebrow, half smirking. "There's a surprise." Tossing her fortune aside she grabbed Gil's from his hand.

"Hey, that's mine." He cocked his head to the side in protest.

"You took half my cookie. Only fair."

"I believe you mean you took half of my cookie" and Gil snatched his fortune back, reading it silently to himself.

"Well?"

"It says 'the road not taken will cross your path once more'." Catherine laughed.

"At least yours is better than mine."

"What do you mean?"

"I think finding out that Sam was my father was enough of my past not seeming what is was." Fortunes could only bring bad news in her mind and she didn't want to imagine what could be worse than Sam.

"But you already know about that so it has to be something different."

"Great. Like I need another life altering secret in my past. So what about yours?"

"Easy. A second chance."

"For?"

"It's a fortune cookie, Catherine, not Miss Cleo."

"Right. Just proves my point---they're meaningless."

"But fun."

"Whatever." She smiled, looking more relaxed than when she had stormed into his office. "Can I see my baby now?" Gil stood, taking her by the elbow and leading her out of his office.

"You know I didn't want to do that."

"I know." She squeezed his hand to show she wasn't angry with him.

"So. Any questions before we go in there?"

"No, I just want to make sure she's ok. We'll deal with the rest later."

They walked into the room and saw Lindsey curled up asleep on the couch.

"You'd think all the coffee I gave her would have kept her awake."

"You gave her coffee?" She said a little more loudly than necessary. The noise woke Lindsey. She sat up slowly. Her head was still swimming from the alcohol.

"Mom." There was fear in her voice. Lindsey knew she had screwed up when she got caught.

"Lindsey." Catherine looked at her daughter and felt her heart breaking.

"I…uh…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."

"No. You shouldn't." Her daughter was safe. Catherine felt her blood pressure rising as her anger returned. She turned and left the room without saying another word to Lindsey. Gil's eyes followed her down the corridor until she disappeared around the corner.

"Gil." Lindsey's voice was small. He turned back to see the quiet tears streaming down her face.

"What did you expect?"

"She hates me." Her sobs were coming harder now. The sight of her crying was tearing Gil apart but he stood his ground.

"That's not fair Lindsey and you know it." His voice was low and calm.

"You always take her side" she screamed.

"She's upset Lindsey. She just found you you'd snuck out of the house, had been drinking and found at a crime scene. I think you've gotten off easy so far."

"I'm not your daughter so I don't care what you think. It's none of your business anyway!" She stood up ready to run out of the room.

"Sit down." The words were soft and unwavering.

"You're not my boss."

"I said sit down." This time his anger came through loud and clear surprising Lindsey enough that she obeyed immediately.

"You are not to move from this spot unless your mother or I am with you. You will not go back to sleep. You will not play any games or look at any magazines. What you will do is sit there and think about your actions until I come back from my office. Then you are going to read through the case files your mother has worked where someone lost their daughter because she thought she was old enough to do what you did tonight."

"But…" Her protest fell on deaf ears. Gil left the room in the same manner as her mother had. She laid her head back on the table, tears falling uncontrollably.


	3. Chapter 3

disclaimers: not mine. the song belongs to dolly parton.

Gil found Catherine in the morgue looking at the body of the boy from the party.

"What happened?" Her eyes never left the boy's body.

"Unsupervised party in Henderson. The PD rolled on a noise complaint. Found him floating in the pool after they got things under control." He stood beside her, his hand on her back for support.

"She was in the pool." It wasn't a question.

"At some point."

"That's why she's wearing a jumpsuit?" Catherine had noticed the jumpsuit the second she saw her daughter. It was not something Lindsey would willingly wear.

"No. When I got there she wasn't wearing any pants. I thought it would be better for her to wear the jumpsuit than run around the lab in her shirt and panties."

"Thanks. I appreciate it." She had not moved from her place over the boy's body. "Have his parents been contacted?"

"Yes. Nick took care of it."

"I want to talk with them."

"Catherine, you really shouldn't be in here." She continued staring at the body, the grief and fear she felt overwhelming her. Emotionally she was a wreck. Anger, fear, joy, pain and grief were all fighting for dominance.

"Lindsey. This could have been Lindsey." She brushed back an errant lock of hair from the boy's face.

"But it isn't. She's fine except for a hangover."

Catherine's body started to shake. Gil knew she was crying. He wanted to reach out to her to comfort her but her held back. He always held back. The door to the morgue opened and Al Robbins entered the room.

"I need to start my autopsy." He looked at Gil apologetically as he walked towards the table.

"Al, give us five minutes." Robbins nodded in agreement as he walked out of the room. Catherine still had not moved.

"We need to leave." He tried to turn her towards him.

"No. His parents will be…" Catherine couldn't bring herself to leave the boy. He was so young.

"Nick will be with them."

"Nick doesn't understand what…"

"Catherine, we're leaving."

"No." It was a repeat of Lindsey in the break room as she began to sob uncontrollably. Before he realized what he was doing he had pulled her into his arms and stroking the back of her head.

"She's fine. She's in the break room. Shh, everything is going to be fine." Her arms griped tightly around him. "Shh, I've got you. It's going to be OK." He was still stroking her head as her sobbing continued. He pulled her with him towards the door, locking it before pulling them both to Al's desk. He sat down holding her in his lap all the while speaking soothing words and stroking her head.

His mind flashed back to the last time he had seen her this upset. Lindsey was barely three years old. Catherine was late coming in and no one had heard from her. Brass had paged her. Gil had tried calling her at home but there was no answer. Gil asked Brass to pair the two of the up so that he could swing by her house to check on her. He pulled up in her driveway and cut his engine. The moment he opened his door he heard them. Eddie and Catherine were both screaming at the top of their lungs. He hurried to the door, knocking loudly. Either they didn't hear him or just chose to ignore him because no one came to the door and the yelling continued. Gil turned the knob to find it was unlocked so he walked on in.

"_Is that the only thing you can yell about?" It was Eddie._

"_The only thing? Eddie she was in our bed." Catherine was up in his face._

"_Because you weren't." Eddie went to walk away but Catherine grab him with her arm_

"_Don't try and blame this on me."_

"_Oh I forgot. You are the injured party here. Never mind the fact hat you neglect your husband and your daughter." He shoved her arm off of him._

"_That's bullshit Eddie and you know it."_

"_You're never home."_

"_Because I'm working. One of us has to and we both know that you won't."_

"_Work my ass. No one works that much overtime." It was at that point Eddie noticed Gil was in his house. "You think I'm stupid?" I know you two are fucking each other." He pointed in Gil's direction causing Catherine to turn around only momentarily."_

"_Eddie that's bullshit and you know it." _

"_Turn about is fair play, Catherine."_

"_Fuck you!"_

"_You wouldn't let me, remember. That's what started this." He was right in her face again._

"_What started this was your bitch in our bed." _

_Gil saw Lindsey standing in the hallway holding her teddy bear. While Ed and Catherine continued to yell he walked over to the girl, picking her up and carrying her back to her bedroom._

"_Hey butterfly. Did all that noise wake you?"_

_Lindsey shook her head yes._

"_What do you say we put you back in bed?"_

"_No." She pulled her bear in close to her._

"_How about I hold you and sing you a song?" Lindsey crawled into his lap dragging her bear behind her. She put her hands on his face and kissed him, then snuggled back into his arms. When he didn't start singing she reached her arm up to his mouth. He nibbled her fingers and she smiled._

"There's that beautiful smile I love." He tickled her belly and she giggled.

"_Butterfly!" _

"_You want me to sing the butterfly song?"_

"_Yes!"_

_Gil hummed softly for a few beats and then started singing while the yelling continued in the other room. _

"_Love is like a butterfly/As soft and gentle as a sigh/The multicolored moods of love are like its satin wings/Love makes your heart feel strange inside/It flutters like soft wings in flight/Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing …" Lindsey began to fall asleep in his arms. He continued to hum for a good ten minutes after she fell asleep, only stopping when he saw Catherine standing in the door._

"_Let's go." She turned and walked away without saying another word. He stood slowly so as not to wake Lindsey. He laid her in her bed, tucking her in tightly before kissing her softly on the forehead._

"_Goodnight Butterfly. Sweet dreams." He walked through the living room to see Ed glaring at him, drink in hand. Nothing was said between the two men as he left the house. Catherine was waiting in his car._

"_Shut up and drive." She didn't look at him, instead looking out the passenger window. _

_Gil drove them to their assignment. Brass was waiting for them when they arrived. Catherine barely acknowledged him, choosing instead to start processing evidence._

"_What happened?" Brass' eyes trailed behind her._

"_Ed was being his normal self." Gil didn't feel the need to go into details. It was Catherine's business. If she wanted Brass to know Eddie was cheating she'd tell him herself._

_The processed the scene quickly then headed back to the lab. She had not said a word to him since they left her house._

"_Wanna grab something to eat?" Gil's stomach growled to emphasize his question. She didn't answer._

"_OK. Well, I'm starving. Hope you're in the mood for Chinese." He pulled into the parking lot of China Palace. He was half way across the parking lot when he realized she hadn't left the vehicle. Gil walked back to his car, opening the door for her. Catherine made no attempt to move other than to turn her head away from him. He reached in with his right hand and turned her head to face him. Her eyes were red and puffy from the silent tears falling down her face. She slapped his hand away. _

"_Why?" The word was barely a whisper._

"_I don't know Catherine. Because he's Eddie."_

"_Why didn't you tell me?" Gil knew what she meant._

"_It wasn't my place."_

"_You catch my husband cheating on me, you don't tell me. Instead I find him in our bed with another woman and all you can say is "it wasn't my place?"" She sat rigidly in her spot looking through the windshield at nothing in particular. _

"_What would you have done if I'd told you?"_

"_I would have confronted him."_

"_Bullshit."_

"_What?"_

"_Bullshit. You wouldn't have believed me."_

"_It wasn't your decision to make." Her voice was loud enough that the people at the restaurant turned in their direction._

"_This isn't about me and you know it." _

"_I thought you were hungry." It wasn't concern but annoyance in her voice. She wanted to be alone._

"_I am." He didn't budge._

"_Nobody's stopping you."_

"_I know."_

"_Damn it Grissom." She grabbed her purse and slammed the door behind her, storming to the restaurant by herself. They sat in silence. Gil eating while Catherine was digging trenches in her rice with her fork. After what seemed like an eternity she spoke._

"_Thank you." This was not what he was expecting her to say._

"_Huh?"_

"_Lindsey. Putting her back to bed."_

"_It was nothing." Her tears started falling again surprising Gil because Catherine wasn't the kind of person to cry in front of a group of people._

"_C'mon." He quickly laid $30 on the table and escorted Catherine back to the car. They stood outside the passenger door, Catherine leaning face first into the car while she cried. Gil stood closely by but didn't reach to comfort her._

"_I'm a horrible mother." She spoke into the car. "I let my daughter see me fighting with my husband who I can't keep at home. I don't even go to comfort her. My partner does. I just left."_

"_Catherine."_

"_I swore I'd never do her the way my mother did me. She and Dad would fight all the time. Sam would come and hold me till I calmed down and went back to sleep."_

"_Sam?"_

"_Sam Braun. One of my mother's friends."_

"_The Sam Braun? The one who owns the Tangiers?"_

"_Yeah. Treated me like I was his daughter, more so than Dad ever did. I used to fantasize Sam and my Mom would get married. She was happy when he was around. All she and Dad ever did was fight. I was so glad when they divorced."_

"_I didn't know."_

"_I don't want to put Lindsey through that. But I don't want to give up on my marriage either." She turned to look at Gil. Her face was red and puffy but the tears had stopped, replaced by a hollowness in her eyes. Gil's arm moved towards her to comfort her but he realized what he was doing and grabbed the door handle instead._

"_We need to get back to the lab."_

"_The lab. Right." Her voice was laced with resentment as she got in, slamming the door behind her. Those were the last non-work related words she said to him for two weeks._

Gil's thoughts returned to the present. He wouldn't let her deal with this by herself this time. Even if she didn't want his support she was going to have it. He held her tightly to him as her sobbing became heavier and heavier. The door to the morgue turned but he didn't move. If it were Al he would know they needed more time. If it was anyone else he really didn't care. Whoever it was finally got the hint and left.

"Hey you." He placed his hand on her chin and pulled her head towards him. He gently wiped the tears from her face.

"Listen to me. You are a good mother. You are one of the best mothers I've ever known. Whatever happened to that kid is not your fault." He nodded his head in the direction of the body on the table.

"Lindsey. Well, Lindsey is like you --- stubborn and strong willed. Even if you had been home she would have found a way to go out if her mind was set on it." It was the truth and they both knew it.

"She was doing so good. A new school. Better grades. New Friends." The guilt of this somehow being her fault was eating at Catherine.

"I know." He pushed a stray hair from her cheek. "I know."

"She was acting so much like the old Lindsey. Smiling, laughing. I thought we were past this."

"I know."

"I just don't know what to do."

"We'll figure it out together." He pulled her head to his chest and held her. Catherine wasn't sure what he meant. Right now, his arms around her comforting her was enough.


	4. Chapter 4

claim: i claim i do not own the characters. cbs does.

Lindsey sat at the table in the break room. Her mouth was dry. Her head was pounding. She felt nauseous. She was certain she was catching the flu. Not that it mattered anyway. No one cared about her but Barry and she was certain she'd never see him again. She looked at the stack of case files in front of her and shoved them away. Who did Gil think he was anyway? Reluctantly she opened one the files, more out of boredom than obedience, and began to read the review on the top page. Then she flipped through the photos in the file. When she was done she opened the next file and repeated the same thing, eventually working her way through all of the files Gil had left her. Some of the words made no sense to her but she got the idea.

Greg walked into the break room and saw her as she looked through the last of the files.

"You must be that hot new intern I've heard so much about." Greg winked at her as he said this. Lindsey was like a little sister to him.

"Hi Greg." She went back to her file.

"So did you have a good time at the party?" He sat down beside her but she ignored him.

"What? You aren't going to talk to your favorite CSI?" He playfully punched her arm.

"Gil said I'm not supposed to talk to anyone until he gets back." Her voice was flippant and her attitude typical teen.

"I see. Well I don't want to get you in trouble so how about I talk to you instead?" Lindsey smiled back at him. Greg grabbed a file from her stack and looked inside.

"You're mom worked this one. The girl's body was found out by the railroad tracks. Her mother's boyfriend had killed her." Lindsey just looked at him, preparing for yet another lecture.

"After she found out she drove everyone in the lab crazy making sure there was no hole in the evidence that would allow that jerk to get off. Once she was certain we had enough evidence her mind went straight to you. All she wanted was to get out of here and get home to you." He closed the folder and placed it on top of the pile.

Lindsey started to cry again.

"Don't cry." Greg wasn't sure what to do. If Lindsey were older he'd take her in his arms and make his move. Well, if she were older and not Catherine's daughter. But she was still a child and Greg wasn't sure how to deal with her. So he just treated her like he did his brother's kids and gave her a big bear hug.

"I just want to go home. But when I get there mom's going to lay into me like you wouldn't believe. I'll never get to do anything ever. I just wish I could disappear." She wasn't whining. In fact, she was nearly screaming in a voice full of hatred.

"She doesn't give a damn about me. All she does is work. She's never home. I never see her. At least Dad wanted to spend time with me." Her body was so full of anger and frustration that she had to do something so she pushed all the files onto the floor and ran from the room.


	5. Chapter 5

It was nearly noon before Lindsey and Catherine left the lab. The ride home had been in total silence. Once home Catherine had sent Lindsey to her room so that she could have a talk with Lily.

"Mom, you were supposed to be watching her." Catherine followed her mother into the kitchen.

"When I went to sleep she had already been in bed for two hours." Lily filled the coffee maker as she spoke.

"Didn't you think it was unusual that she went to bed so early?" Catherine grabbed two cups from the cabinet.

"She said she wasn't feeling well." Lily sat down at the table.

"And I can guarantee you didn't bother to check her." She looked at the cabinet, saw spilt sugar and grabbed a towel to wipe it up.

"She said she didn't have a fever, that her stomach was bothering her." Lily reached for her cigarettes.

"Mom, do you have to do that in the house?" Lily pushed the cigarettes away and rolled her eyes at her daughter.

"Did she eat?" Catherine's voice was a bit louder than previously.

"What?"

"Did she eat last night?"

"She had a bowl of ice cream before she went to bed." Lily was not happy with the tone her daughter was using.

"Hello! If she was eating ice cream she's not having a stomach ache." The coffee maker signaled the coffee was ready. Catherine got up and poured two cups. "That's the oldest trick in the book." She sat both cups on the table and sat back down.

"This is not my fault." Lily was already upset but now she was getting angry.

"Mother you were supposed to be watching her." Catherine stirred creamer into her coffee.

"I called you as soon as I found out she wasn't here this morning."

"No you didn't."

"I called you several times. I left messages on your cell and at the lab. I called the police station and they put me back to the lab."

"Sure. Don't you think that if you had called the lab they would have paged me."

"The receptionist transferred me to Mr. Ecklie. He told me Lindsey was there with you."

"Ecklie?"

"He stayed on the phone with me for almost an hour. He's a nice man."

"You talked to Ecklie for an hour?

"I was scared." Lily took a few sips of coffee hoping to swallow her anger.

"Sure you were."

"That's enough Catherine. I was scared. I was scared for you. I know what it's like for my daughter to disappear. In spite of what you believe I wouldn't want you to have to go through that kind of pain."

"Great Mom, lay on the guilt trip." Catherine took another drink of her coffe.

"You didn't know she was gone until after she had been found. I spent three hours not knowing where she was. You didn't even care enough to call me and tell me what was going on." Lily's voice was unusually low and quiet as she tried to control the emotions that threatened to break through.

"Mom."

"Shut up. It's my turn. I may not have been the best mother…"

"That's the understatement of a lifetime." Lily didn't even acknowledge this.

"…but I did the best I could with what I was given. When you left I was worried and afraid. I didn't hear from you for three years. Didn't know if you were alive or dead. Every time the phone rang I didn't know whether to run away or grab it."

"Mom."

"Catherine I do care. Maybe not the way you want me to, but I do care. All I could think about this morning was you having to go through the same thing. I would have sold my soul to keep you from having to experience that kind of pain." Lily looked at her daughter, sighed, stood up and went to the sink with her cup. She turned on the water, rinsing the cup before placing it in the drain. She left her hands resting on the counter, refusing to face her daughter.

"I'm sorry Mom. I should have called you but all I could think about was Lindsey."

Lily walked over to her daughter placing her arms on her shoulders.

"That's the way it should be sweetie." Catherine put her hand on her mother's hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Mom I love you."

"I know baby. Now go get some sleep." She took Catherine's cup from her, watching her as walked to her room. Lily then said a silent prayer of thanks for her granddaughter's safe return.

Catherine awoke around 8:30 that evening. Her alarm had not gone off as scheduled. She only had an hour to get ready for work. She grabbed her house shoes and headed to the kitchen for a quick cup of coffee. Lindsey and Lily were sitting in the living room watching television. Lily looked up at her daughter, both of them speaking at the same time.

"Mom, why did you let me sleep so late?"

"Catherine, Mr. Grissom called. You've got the night off."

"What? You first." They both spoke at the same time again.

"Catherine, Mr. Grissom called. He told me you had the night off and to turn off your alarm so you could get some sleep." Lindsey grimaced at the mention of Gil's name. Catherine nodded in acknowledgement to her mother and went on into the kitchen for her coffee. Lily followed her in a few moments after.

"How are you feeling?"

"Exhausted. When did Gil call?" She had gotten another cup of coffee from the pot, it was stale so she poured it out. Then she emptied the pot and started a fresh pot.

"I guess it was around three this afternoon."

"How long has Lindsey been awake?"

"She got up a sometime after four." Catherine finished her coffee and grabbed a second cup before heading back to her room. She wanted a shower in the worst way. The water was as hot as she could stand it, maybe even a little too hot. It didn't matter though. The feel of the hot water pulsated onto her tired body helping to release some of the tension from her muscles. She had turned the stereo on before getting into the shower, putting in the Eagles' Greatest Hits because she wanted something mellow and relaxing. By the time the last of the hot water was gone the album had played through twice.

With her hair wrapped in a towel and a fresh pair of pj's on she strolled back into the living room. The scene she saw was almost a duplicate of the one when she woke up. Almost. There was one big difference. Lindsey was no longer in the room with her mother. Instead she saw Gil sitting on the sofa deep in conversation with Lily. She turned to go back to her bedroom and grab a robe but they'd already seen her.

"Catherine." Gil looked at her, skin still damp, hair rolled up in a towel wearing yoga pants and a tank top. She looked better than most women did when fully dressed.

"Gil, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the lab?" She grabbed the comforter from the recliner wrapping it around her as she sat down.

"I took the night off." Looking at her rolled up in the comforter he thought she seemed so small, so fragile. Her eyebrow lifted in a silent question. "I thought you might need my support."

"Maybe I do." She smiled at him as she answered.

"I don't think this is a problem we can take care of in 15 seconds though." He hoped she would remember their conversation from years ago.

"Neither do I." Catherine recalled the sight of him waiting for her outside the morgue when she had to collect scrapings from Holly's nails.

Lily looked from one to the other realizing she was missing a large part of the conversation. If she didn't know better she would have thought there was more to their relationship than just friendship. She now understood why Eddie had been so sure there was something going on between the two of them.

"Are you sending her to school tomorrow?"

"Yes. I would have sent her today but…"

"…you didn't leave early enough. You would have to have left to pick her up as soon as you got home."

"Right."

"Have you decided what you are going to do yet?"

"No, honestly I haven't even talked to her about what happened yet."

"She's still awake if you're ready." Catherine just sat there. She was still angry, not as angry as she was last night but still angry.

"Putting it off isn't going to make it any easier." He was speaking the truth.

"I know." She stood up and walked to her daughter's room, knocking on the door before opening it.

"Can I come in?" There was no answer so she pushed the door on open and flipped the light on. Lindsey's bed was unmade, her computer was on and clothes were strewn about the room. Lindsey however was not there. Catherine went to her bathroom door.

"Lindsey, you in there?" There was no answer. She opened the door and saw the bathroom was empty. She turned around looking back into her daughter's room. This time she noticed the open window.

"Mom! Mom! Gil! She's gone." Catherine stood frozen where she was. Lily and Gil were there in an instant.

"She's gone. She's run away." Catherine pointed towards the window. Lily stood there looking at her daughter knowing exactly what she was feeling. Gil flew out of the house searching for Lindsey. He ran around the back of the house, finding a ladder under her window. Looking around he saw there were two sets of footprints, one much smaller than the other. He followed them to the other side of the house and down the driveway. He walked to the edge of the driveway and looked up and down the street. There was a small car about four houses down that had not been there when he arrived. He walked slowly toward the car, not wanting to alert its passengers to his approach. He could hear the music blaring from the stereo before he got to the car.

He ripped open the driver's door and pulled the driver out by his neck before slamming it shut. He slammed the driver against the car and grabbed his phone.

"Brass. I need you in an unmarked at Catherine's now." He slammed the phone back in his pocket before speaking to the driver.

"I don't know who the hell you are and I really don't care." Lindsey had gotten out of the passenger side and was yelling at Gil.

"What are you doing to him? Stop it!" Lindsey was pulling at Gil's arm trying to break his grip on Barry.

"Lindsey Willows you get back in that car right now." Gil didn't budge.

"Let him go."

"Lindsey. Car. Now!" It was the same tone he had used with her in the break room and it made Lindsey move her butt back to the passenger's seat. Gil pulled Barry around to the trunk.

"You and I are going to have a little talk. Then you are taking a trip to the police department."


	6. Chapter 6

disclaimers in previous chapters

Lindsey sat in the car, furious with Gil for embarrassing her in front of Barry. Her thirteen-year-old mind pictured him as an annoying wasp in a cartoon, which she promptly squashed with an oversized flyswatter. If she could have seen herself, she would have seen a wide-eyed blonde girl with smoke fuming from both ears.

She watched Gil and Barry through the rear view mirror. Gil was really letting Barry have it. She'd never seen Barry so scared. It was so not cool for him to be afraid of Gil. He was in a band. He smoked. He drank. He skipped class. When he was in class, he told off teachers. So why was he acting like such a loser in front of Gil? Gil, who spent his life playing with nasty bugs.

"Whatever." It was her verbal protest to the world. She continued watching them and her cartoon fantasy returned. The next scene was of Barry morphing into a giant baseball bat with Gil as a screaming baseball hurling towards him at warp speed. Barry pulls back and swings just at the right moment, knocking Gil not just out of the park but out of the country deep into the Pacific Ocean only to be eaten by some dufus whale and never heard from again.

Outside the realm of her imagination, she watched as Barry's shoulders hung low. Why wasn't he taking up for himself? Better still, why wasn't he taking up for her?

Her mind wandered back to the cartoon in her head. She watched as her hottie morphed into a zoot-suited cat and she his cat girl. They were in a swing club, Barry playing his guitar. Gil came running into the club as a weasel cop ready to bust everyone in the joint. Lindsey the cat wasn't afraid. She knew her zoot-suited paramour would rescue her. She turned to look at Barry only to see him quickly box his guitar and exit the building through the Barry-shaped hole in the wall created by his body. She could have followed him but she didn't. Right before he had disappeared through the hole in the wall, he had grabbed Susie the Siamese, wrapping his free arm tightly around her waist and carrying her away with him.

"Jerk." She looked around the club. It was completely empty expect for her and Weasel Gil, only he wasn't a weasel any longer. He was a wise old owl. And he wasn't angry with her. He was angry with that tomcat who had left her there by herself.

"Well that sucks." Lindsey was amazed at her inability to picture herself being rescued by Barry. Why would he do that? He was supposed to love her. She was special, that's what he told her. That's why he was with her instead of some high school girl. He was seventeen so why would he be with her if he didn't love her unless he was just using her? But Barry wasn't like that. He was like her father, Eddie.

Then she recalled all the times she'd seen her mom and dad fighting, the times when Eddie had brought home a new girlfriend. And she remembered the last one, the one who had left her in the car to die. The woman was only interested in her father because he promised her a music career. And how her father only kept her around because she would do anything he asked her to do. And she remembered how much she hated that woman for using her father like that. She never cared about Eddie; she only cared about what Eddie could do for her. And she had never cared about her. That's why she left them both to die in the car.

In that instant, Lindsey understood. She understood. She understood something many women spend a lifetime trying to understand. She understood she deserved someone who would treat her well, who didn't want her just because he could manipulate or control her. She understood she deserved better than being in a one-sided relationship where she was the only one truly interested in the other person. With this understanding came an incredible rush of adrenaline and the desire to let Barry know just what she thought of him. She slammed open her door, morphing into a miniature version of her mother as she jumped out. She ran around the back of the car towards Barry, completely ignoring Gil's order to get back in the car.

She grabbed Barry by the collar, opening her mouth to give him a piece of her mind but the only sound that came out was her sobbing. Even with her new understanding, she was still a thirteen-year-old girl who was hurting. She didn't have the life experience necessary to do anything else. She felt Gil's arms pulling her away from Barry, guiding her to the sidewalk. He sat down beside her, pulling her head to his shoulder in an effort to comfort her broken heart as best he could.

Brass arrived shortly after and Gil explained the situation to him. Brass hauled Barry off to the Police Department. Both men knew there was nothing he could be charged with, but they did have enough to haul him down to the jail and scare him.


	7. Chapter 7

disclaimers in previous chapters

Gil had sent Barry with Jim, certain that Jim would make sure the young man understood that a young girl of thirteen was hands off, especially if that girl happened to be Lindsey. After Jim had turned the corner and disappeared from sight Gil took Lindsey by the arm and walked her home.

"Gil?" He didn't answer.

"Gil?" He picked up his pace without uttering a sound.

"I'm sorry." Lindsey tried to stop but Gil just walked faster.

"You're telling the wrong person." His grip on her arm tightened as they approached the door.

Twenty years on the job and Catherine had seen it all. She'd investigated many runaways. She knew what could happen. She knew the mistakes parents made in those crucial first minutes. She knew the importance of preserving evidence. All of her knowledge, all of her experience---it wasn't worth squat at the moment. All she knew was her baby was missing and there was nothing she could do. Lindsey had been missing before but this was the first time Catherine had been aware of it before her daughter had been found. This was the first time fear, not anger, was in control.

Lily stood in Lindsey's doorway, her hand resting on her hip. Her daughter stood frozen in place by Lindsey's bed. She knew what Catherine was feeling. It was the same fear she had felt when Catherine ran away at seventeen. She knew her daughter needed reassuring her baby would be found. She was also resentful enough not to give her that reassurance. It was a small spiteful act but one that gave Lily the opportunity to collect on all the heartache Catherine had caused her when she ran away so long ago.

Catherine took the next two days off in order to deal with Lindsey. Once her fear had faded her anger had returned. She wasn't letting Lindsey out of her sight. Catherine walked her to and from her classroom, even going as far as being there between classes to make sure Lindsey didn't sneak off during the day. She dipped into the money Sam had given her in order to hire someone to make sure Lindsey never left the school grounds. She also hired a nanny to watch Lindsey while she was at work. Lily had not taken the news well but a call from Sam and the realization that she could go out during the night again remedied that problem.

Catherine removed Lindsey's bedroom door, storing it in the garage. She went through every thing in her daughter's bedroom, reading diaries and notes Lindsey had passed at school. She went through her daughter's email and logged into her chat rooms. Then she removed the computer, stereo, television and phone from the bedroom. She took Lindsey's CD's, her MP3 player and her video games. When she was done stripping the bedroom she took several pieces of wood and bolted the window down on the inside and out. For the next three months her daughter's life would consist of nothing but school, homework and chores.


	8. Chapter 8

disclaimers in previous chapters

thanks to allison and sydne for your help.

The investigation into the drowning at the party was still going although the body had been released for burial. Some unexplained wounds had been found, raising the question as to whether or not the drowning was accidental. Nick and Greg were assigned to gather DNA from the party guests. Wendy had the wonderful job of running all the DNA comparisons.

The Las Vegas Crime Lab had finally found a replacement for Greg Sanders in Wendy. She wasn't intimidated by his reputation or by the affection the department held for the man. She was secure enough in herself to create her own reputation. This confidence had led her to gain Conrad Ecklie's approval to conduct DNA studies among relatives using the lab's equipment. Because of the nature of her job, she was required to have participants sign an affidavit before using their sample in her study. So when Lindsey Willows' sample crossed her desk, she saw an opportunity. It was unusual to have three generations of DNA in their databases. She could easily get permission from Catherine to use their DNA; Eddie Willows was deceased so his sample was public record. And with a little luck, maybe she would even get Sam Braun to consent to the study.

Wendy approached Catherine towards the end of shift, explaining what she wanted to do. Catherine agreed and signed the necessary paperwork before leaving to take Lindsey to school. After her shift was over, Wendy began working on the Willows' DNA. She wanted to start work on the three samples she had access to before approaching Braun.

Three weeks had passed since the party and life had pretty much returned to normal for Lindsey, normal minus a few physical comforts and privacy anyway. Catherine had given her daughter the television back after a week of having to watch MTV. The following week she returned her MP3 player. Yesterday she returned her computer (minus the modem of course) so that Lindsey could work on her homework from her desk. The door was still missing and the windows were still bolted down but overall things were looking up for Lindsey.

Catherine was feeling more secure leaving her daughter while she worked. The new nanny kept an eye on her daughter while she was gone. Her mother's appreciation for the nanny was even greater. Now Lily was able to stay overnight with Sam without finding someone to pawn Lindsey off on while Catherine was at work. Gil's visits had gone from several times a day to a couple of times a week as Catherine's sense of security returned. All in all, life went on as before.

Beep.

The printer spoke to let Wendy know her results were ready. She pulled the paper and read the results.

"This can't be right." She trashed the results and began the test again.

Another three weeks had passed. Lindsey's modem had been returned, along with her phone. She was now allowed to speak with her friends and to get online. The bolted window remained. The door, still in the garage, had been replaced with a funky beaded curtain so that she could have some privacy. Lily was spending more time with Sam. Catherine had returned to pulling one double a week. Gil's visits had been cut back to once a week. With the exception of the new nanny, life had returned to what it was before the party.

Catherine and Gil had wrapped up a crime scene and returned to the lab towards the end of shift.

"I'll start processing while you run Lindsey to school. Oh, pick me up a cherry roll on your way back." It had become their routine over the last month for Catherine to pick up breakfast if they had to work over.

Catherine was in the locker room getting the keys to her SUV when Wendy approached her.

"Catherine, do you have a minute?"

"One maybe. I've got to get Lindsey to school." She quickly changed her shirt, not wanting the smell of the crime scene to fill her car.

"It's about the DNA study I'm doing."

"Do you need me to sign more papers?"

"No, its…Catherine, if Eddie wasn't Lindsey's father, why didn't you just tell me?" Catherine froze.

"What?"

"When I asked you for permission to do this, I explained that this was an opportunity for me to compare generational DNA."

"What?"

"And if Eddie isn't Lindsey's biological father, all you had to do was refuse to participate in the study." She handed the printout to Catherine.

"Hold on. Eddie IS Lindsey's father. You made a mistake somewhere."

"Catherine, I ran the test twice. It's impossible."

Catherine took her keys out, shut her locker and walked up to Wendy.

"Look, I don't know what went wrong where but I can assure you Eddie is Lindsey's father. Maybe the samples were mislabeled or there was a mix up in the database or maybe they were contaminated. Whatever the reason, your test is wrong." She crumpled the paper up and tossed it into the trashcan as she stormed out. Wendy leaned against the lockers, letting out a sigh.

"That went well."

"Mom, why do you keep staring at me?" It was the third time Catherine had run off the road since leaving the house.

"Sorry, baby. I've just had a long night." She made a mental note to keep her eyes on the road.

"Mom! Do you want me to drive?" She'd run off the road again. This time she pulled over and put the car in park, reaching behind her seat for her kit and pulling out a swab.

"Open." She held the swab in front of her daughter's mouth.

"But…" Lindsey protested.

"Open your mouth." Her voice didn't leave room for arguing.

"I didn't do anything. I swear. I haven't snuck out. I haven't skipped classes…"

"I didn't say you had. I just want to swab your mouth for a bit of saliva. A co-worker is doing a DNA study and there was a problem. I want to make sure she has a good sample." She took her daughter's hand in hers to reassure Lindsey she was telling the truth. "Now open. We need to hurry or you'll be late for school."

When Catherine arrived back at the lab, she went straight to Wendy, tossing two swabs onto the table in front of her.

"What are these?" Wendy looked puzzled.

"Two good DNA samples for Lindsey and me."

"Catherine, the problem wasn't with your samples. It was with the male donor. His sample does not match that of Ed Willows."

"Impossible."

"Then whoever took Mr. Willows sample made a mistake."

"I took that sample myself. There was no mistake."

"I don't know what to tell you. The results were conclusive."

"No, they aren't." She screamed and heads all through the lab turned in their direction. "I think I would know if someone else were her father." With that, she grabbed the samples and stormed out of the lab. She only made it a few blocks before she had to pull over.

"Eddie Willows, dying didn't even stop you from screwing with my life."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Again, if they were mine we wouldn't be on shark watch now.

A/N: Thanks to Angie for beta and helping me flesh my thoughts out. All mistakes are still mine though.

**From "Who Are You"**

**EDDIE: I came to tell you how great you are. It always comes out wrong. When I married you, I married up. I know that.**

**CATHERINE: It wasn't all bad.**

_Previously: "Eddie Willows, dying didn't even stop you from screwing with my life."_

**Chapter 9**

"Catherine, don't go." Eddie pulled her back onto the bed kissing her longingly.

"Eddie, stop it. I'm already late." She made a half-assed effort to push him away.

"Just a few more minutes. You said yourself you were already late so what will it matter." He rolled her over placing soft kisses along her neck as he unbuttoned her shirt.

"Twenty minutes. And that's it!" She let her hand slide over his ass pulling him closer.

"Yeah. Twenty minutes." He smirked knowing he had won the battle.

Three hours later the phone rang. Catherine pulled up from Eddie to answer the phone.

"Hello." She leaned back onto her husband, placing kisses along his shoulders.

"Catherine why aren't you at work?" It was Gil.

"I…um…I think I caught something. She giggled as she nibbled on Eddie's nipple. "It must be one of those 24 hour bugs." Eddie flipped them causing her to gasp.

"Twenty four hour bugs?" He heard her gasp.

"Yeah. I feel…terrible. Can't even stand up." She ran her finger along Eddie's waistline as she spoke.

"Damn straight!" Eddie smiled proudly.

"Shh." She kissed him into silence. "I'll be there tomorrow. Goodbye Gil." She tossed the phone over to the nightstand without clicking to disconnect the call. "You are bad Eddie Willows."

"But you love me" he said as he lifted her hips.

"You know I ummpphhh…" she sighed with pleasure as he entered her.

The next night she rolled into the lab fifteen minutes late. She made her way to the break room where Jim Brass was handing out assignments and slipped into an empty chair as quietly as possible.

"Willows, you're late."

"Sorry." Jim had already moved on to handing out assignments and never heard her.

"Feeling better?" Gil's whisper was barely loud enough for her to hear but she didn't miss the tone of disgust with which his question was uttered.

"Yeah, much better" she mumbled before lowering her head to hide her blush.

Gil and Catherine had been sent to the Mirage to process a room where a woman had found her husband lying in a pool of blood.

"That cold came on fast." Gil was dusting for prints but his mind was elsewhere. "Are you sure you are feeling up to working?" Catherine continued looking for trace evidence in the carpet, intentionally focusing on her work.

"Um. Yeah. I feel great." She reached under the bed grabbing a hair with her tweezers. He stopped what he was doing turning to look at her, his eyes boring thru the back of her head.

"That's what I thought." He watched her visibly stiffen at his words before turning back to finish printing the dresser. No other words were spoken between them.

Catherine arrived home almost two hours late. The smell of pancakes filled the air. The mellow grooves of Al Green seduced her hearing. She dropped her keys in the bowl by the door and made her way to the kitchen. Eddie was pouring the mix into the pan. She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face against his back.

"You got my message?" She inhaled his scent. They had been apart for twelve hours. She had never missed him as much as she had last night.

"Yeah. I thought you would be hungry."

"I am. Smells wonderful."

"Won't be long."

"I was talking about you." She wound her way around till she was positioned in front of him, nuzzling her head into his neck. Eddie leaned down kissing her forehead.

"Pancakes first. You'll need the fuel for later. Now move before they burn." He tried to move away but she pulled him closer.

"No, I like it right here."

"You're insatiable."

"And you're incredibly sexy.' She dug her hands into the back pockets of his jeans, pulling his hips towards hers. He dipped the ladle into the bowl then poured a small amount on Catherine's nose. The ringing of the phone stopped their game from going further. Reluctantly she pulled her hands from his pockets, grabbed the phone and looked at the caller ID.

"Damn. It's him."

"Don't answer." Eddie knew she would so he went back to cooking the pancakes.

"I have to. Work." She clicked the button with a little more force than was necessary. "Willows."

"Catherine. We got a break on the case. You need to come back to the lab."

"Can't you handle it?" Her voice was full of impatience and irritation.

"I thought we were working this case together." Gil responded in kind.

"We are. But I'm already home."

"Then come back."

"I can't."

"You won't."

"Whatever. I've got to go."

"Catherine, you're throwing away your…" Catherine hung up the phone before he could finish. She wrapped herself back up in Eddie, sliding her hands under his shirt and up his chest.

"Now where were we?"


	10. Chapter 10

Author: Coolcatz

Rating: CSI-2

A/N: Thanks Allison for the beta but all the mistakes are still mine.

Catherine was brought back to the present by the ringing of her phone.

"Willows."

"Catherine, where are you?" It was Gil. She would have known that had she taken the time to check the caller ID.

"I…uh…what?" She was still lost in the memory of Eddie.

"You were supposed to be bringing me a cherry roll. I heard you walking through the lab but never saw you. Greg said you ran out."

"He did? I did? Oh, um, I remembered something I needed to take care of."

"Catherine?"

"What?"

"What happened?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I just overreacted because a test didn't come out the way I expected. You always tell me not to take cases too personally. I'll be back in a few minutes. I promise."

Catherine hung up the phone and sighed. Her mind continued to revisit the past.

"_Thanks. I needed this." The two of them sat in the back booth of the diner, finishing off the food on their plates._

"_It's nothing, just breakfast."_

"_I know. It's just…"_

"_Yeah."_

"_I should be going." But she stayed where she was._

"_Catherine, why are you avoiding home?"_

"_I'm not avoiding…" Gil interrupted before she could finish._

"_Catherine, you've pulled three doubles and a triple in the last two weeks."_

"_I needed the overtime." Gil just stared at her. "Fine. Eddie and I, we decided we needed a break. He's gone to the coast and I just don't like staying in the house by myself." It was the truth, just not the whole story. She didn't want Gil to know all of her business._

"_I'm sorry. I didn't realize…"_

"_Don't be. I'm surprised we lasted this long." Catherine never let anything bother her, at least on the outside._

"_If you need to talk…" He took her hand in his._

"…_You're there. I know." She squeezed his hand tightly. "Thanks Gil." She got up and left._

_Catherine opened the door to find her husband standing there, suitcases in hand._

"_You didn't have to knock." Her hand was griped tightly to the door handle. They hadn't seen each other in five months. She had forgotten how blue his eyes were._

"_I just... It's been a while. I wasn't sure." Eddie stared at his wife. There was something different about her, some aura around her that made her even sexier than he remembered._

"_We both agreed to give this another chance." Catherine shrugged her foot nervously._

"_I know. Still..." Eddie couldn't stop staring. She was glowing._

"_Are you going to come in or stand on the porch?" She hadn't felt this nervous on their first date, but then there was much more riding on this than a first date._

_He came in, setting his bags down in the living room before heading to the kitchen for a glass of water._

"_Eddie, I'm not putting your…" Her voice was loud and Eddie turned quickly to explain himself._

"_Cath, I didn't think you'd want me to…" He looked towards the bedroom, their bedroom. This had been the first marriage for both of them. He wasn't sure if reconciliation meant he was instantly back in bed with his wife and he wasn't going to push the issue._

"_Oh. Sorry. I just assumed you'd be moving back into our bedroom." She recalled his last words before leaving and she was determined to make sure her husband was satisfied whether she was or not._

"_Are you sure?" He stood where he was, not willing to push the issue. For all Eddie knew, she was just saying this so that he would feel more comfortable._

"_Yeah." She crossed the distance between them and pulled him into a long, languid kiss._

"_Wow. I didn't realize you were such a great cook." Catherine was washing up the breakfast dishes. _

"_I'm not but thank you."_

"_No, you are. I can't remember the last time I had homemade biscuits this soft, this buttery."_

_Gil smiled at her and she smiled back. He had invited her over a couple of times since finding out about Eddie and her desire to not be home alone. They were just coworkers but she was easy to talk to and wasn't freaked out by his creatures._

"_So what are you going to do with your weekend?" He pictured Catherine heading out to the clubs, partying till all hours, especially after the stories she had told him about her past._

"_Haven't really thought about it. You?"_

"_Thought I might head out to Lake Mead for some camping and fishing."_

"_You?"_

"_You say that like you're surprised."_

"_I am. I figured you for the kind who would be at a museum."_

"_There are many things you don't know about me."_

"_Obviously."_

"_Why don't you join me?"_

"_What?"_

"_Or are you afraid of the great outdoors?"_

"_Gil…" She was going to tell him she grew up on a ranch and could probably outhunt and outfish him with both hands tied behind her back but the man just kept talking._

"_I've got a spare tent. It will give you a chance to get away for a few days."_

"_Why not." It was better than spending the weekend in that house all alone._

"_Damn it, Ed! I told you not to do that till I got home." Catherine was beyond pissed. She had pulled a double working a homicide._

"_You were late." Eddie was laid out in the floor, beer in hand. The living room mirror was on the floor beside him with a white powdery film covering it._

"_I called." She did call. She knew he was waiting on her to do the lines. She also knew he'd get tired of waiting if she didn't call._

"_I'll get more." His voice was agitated. He didn't understand why she wanted to kill his buzz._

"_With what? Damn it, Ed, I don't get paid again for another week." She was screaming with everything she had. It had been three days since her last line. They had agreed to ration their supply so it would last till payday and now this shit._

"_Relax, I've got it covered."_

"_Oh really." _

"_We're having a party."_

"_What?"_

"_These guys I met at a club last night, they need someone to host a party for their album. I volunteered our place. Twenty dollars a head plus they bring a little something for the host and hostess."_

"_And when is this party?"_

"_Tonight."_

"_I've got to work."_

"_No you don't. Call in sick."_

"_If I keep calling in sick, they're going to figure something is up." Catherine was already nervous about her job. If they ever found out she was doing coke, her career would be ruined._

"_For me." He walked to her on his knees, pulling her to him. He pushed her blouse up giving him access to her navel. He ran his tongue along the outside before flicking it in and out. _

"_You know I hate you." She ran her fingers through his hair, enjoying the sensation the touch of his tongue was causing her._

"_No you don't." His hands worked open the buttons on her slacks and he slid them down her legs, his lips trailing his hands and leaving kisses down to her feet._

"_Damn it, I don't." Her head rolled back with a satisfying sigh as his hands and tongue found her sex._

"_I haven't been fishing in years." Catherine sat on the edge of the pier, fishing rod in hand and a bucket of worms beside her._

"_Is that your way of saying you need me to bait your hook?" Gil was still unloading supplies from the back of the truck he'd borrowed from a friend._

"_As long as you are offering…" She smiled coyly at him and held out her rod, letting him attach the worm to the hook._

_They sat in virtual silence while fishing. Only when they were cleaning their catch did they begin to talk again._

"_Thanks." Her voice was so quiet Gil barely heard her._

"_For what?"_

"_The invitation. I know how you like your privacy."_

"_If I didn't want you here, I wouldn't have invited you." His voice was steady and strong. Catherine never doubted the sincerity in his statement._

"_Catherine, we need to talk." Eddie stood at the bedroom door watching his wife spray her hair._

"_Eddie, I'm late for work. It will have to wait." Catherine ran past him into the living room, grabbing her handbag._

"_Cath…" Eddie's voice was tired. He watched as his wife flew around the room in a mad frenzy._

"_Not now, Eddie. Where are my damned keys?" She was upending sofa cushions, rummaging through the mail and looking in bowls for the keys and not having any luck._

"_Yes, now." She stopped and turned to him. Then she spotted her keys on the wall behind him._

"_You've got two minutes." Catherine reached past Eddie and grabbed the keys._

"_I'm leaving." Eddie's words were soft and solemn. Rather strange because Catherine felt as if she'd been hit by a Mac Truck._

"_What?" Her arm was still beside his head, keys in hand. Rage filled her face. Eddie decided it was best to step back and maybe a little to the left._

"_I'm leaving." His voice was still calm, but with a little less confidence._

"_What the hell? You wait till I'm walking out the door to…" Catherine was moving towards him. He knew what was coming._

"_Stop yelling." He kept his voice steady, hoping to avoid a repeat of last week's fight._

"_I'm not yelling." She yelled. Then she looked at him, her eyes full of pain. "Why?"_

"_I miss you. And I can't stay here knowing you aren't here with me." He was crying. She was crying. Nothing was making sense to either of them._

"_Eddie, if I don't work we don't have a 'here' for me to not be with you at." Her mind was reeling. They'd always had disagreements but nothing that they couldn't work out._

"_Your job is too important. I don't matter now." Catherine was shocked. She took the job so they would have a future. She took the job so Eddie could keep managing bands. She took the job because the lifespan of a stripper's career wouldn't last until they retired._

"_That's the most ridiculous thing…" Eddie didn't let her finish._

"_When was the last time we made love?"_

"_What does that have to do with…" Catherine wanted to scream. She wanted to hit him. She wanted him to hit her. Anything to end this conversation but Eddie stood his ground._

"_When?" This time it was Eddie who yelled. He wanted an answer and he was going to have it._

"_Eddie…" She was going to tell him she would stay home, that she would call in sick. She was going to tell him she loved him and needed him. She was going to tell him to make love to her right then and there. She was going to._

"_Just tell me."_

"_I don't know." Her head fell as she admitted this. It had been a while, a long while since they'd been together but it wasn't Catherine's fault. Her job was demanding. She needed to sleep when she was home so she would be alert on the job. Eddie didn't understand._

_Eddie kissed her softly before walking out of her life._

"_I haven't gotten laid in three months." Catherine lay on Gil's bed, screwdriver in one hand and remote in the other as she absentmindedly flipped through the channels on his television._

"_I thought you and Eddie only split up three weeks ago." Gil was lying on the floor playing with his spider._

"_We did." She glanced down at the two of them, more to make sure the spider stayed on the floor than any other reason, before turning her attention back to the television._

"_Oh. That sucks."_

"_Yep."_

"_Four months." He gathered his little friend in his hand and carefully put him back in the terrarium. _

"_What?" Gil had mumbled something but she had been looking at Sean Connery's butt. The cosmic gods had been kind and she had flipped to "The Highlander" just as his kilt-covered bare-butt jumped._

"_It's been four months for me." _

"_Cold showers?" She laughed at him._

"_Bitterly cold." He laughed back. Since Catherine and Eddie had split, they had been spending a lot of time together. He was amazed at how comfortable they had become around each other in such a short time._

"_We should go out." Gil sat upright when she said this, causing Catherine to backtrack trying to explain herself. "And meet people. I mean we should go out together to meet someone." He looked at her and grinned broadly, the image of a threesome with a stranger playing in his mind. "Fuck you. Your mind is in the gutter you know." _

"_At least some part of me is." She pegged him with a pillow from across the room._

"_You know my divorce isn't final yet." They were laying on Gil's sofa, half dressed, hands all over each other. For the past month, they had been fooling around, always stopping before things had gone too far, neither wanted to jeopardize the divorce. It was never easy for them to stop. Tonight was no different._

"_You've been apart for four months, Catherine, it may as well be." Gil's mouth was on her breast, his tongue circling her nipple. Catherine shivered as the sensation shot from her nipple towards her sex. God, this man was good._

"_I know. It's just technically I'm still married." She pushed him back, cupping his face. Catherine hated doing this to him but she couldn't bring herself to cheat even though all the papers had been signed for her divorce._

"_Technically he left you." Gil's voice was impatient. He wanted her. He wanted her yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, and he wanted her now. _

"_The divorce will be final in two weeks. We can wait a few more days." She said it. She wanted to mean it. She tried to mean it._

"_I can't wait." His mouth was on hers only a moment, hungry and demanding in a way she had never felt before. He stood up and took her hand in his, leading her back to his bed._

"_What is it?" They were lying in Gil's bed, wrapped up in each other after a long shift. Gil wanted to wind down before moving on to more important activities. Catherine wanted to move on to more important activities in order to wind down._

"_Hmmm." She was busy undressing him and wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying. The man did that to her._

"_There's something you aren't telling me." Gil had quickly learned that Catherine was more aggressive in bed when something was bothering her. While he appreciated that quality, he felt the need to find out what was on her mind._

"_Aren't you more interested in…" Her head disappeared under the covers._

"_Catherine…" A very reluctant Gil pulled her back up and held her against his chest. He looked at her pouting at him and laughed. "What's wrong?" She tried to wriggle free from his grasp but he wasn't giving way so finally she told him._

"_Eddie called today." It was not unusual for Eddie or his lawyer to call, but her tone of voice told Gil something was different about this call._

"_And?"_

"_He wants to try counseling."_

"_Catherine, the divorce is supposed to be final in two days." Gil sat upright, holding her at arms length._

"_I know. It's just…" She didn't want to hurt Gil but there was no way he wasn't going to be hurt._

"_Are you still in love with him?" The question had been lurking in his mind for a long time. Catherine had never been in a hurry to sign any of the papers that the currier had brought over, sometimes taking as long as a week to return them after signing._

"_No." Her eyes averted his._

"_Catherine." He cupped her face in order to bring her eyes to where he could see them._

"_It's just…I think I should give him this chance." Catherine looked at his ears, his mouth, his nose hairs…anywhere but his eyes. She couldn't look him in the eyes. He let go of her._

"_He ran out on you." His voice was laced with bitterness, causing Catherine to feel the need to defend Eddie._

"_He felt like I wasn't there." _

"_You're going back to him?"_

"_I owe it to him."_

"_And you were going to tell me this when?" He grabbed his shorts, pulling them on in record time._

"_I need to be with you."_

"_No, you don't. Not if you are going back to him." He walked out of the bedroom slamming the door behind him._

"_Gil." He was gone though. She lay back in their bed fighting the tears. "Fuck."_

"_I guess my cycle is a little off." They had been sleeping in the same bed for three nights, literally sleeping. Tonight had been the night they were to make love. Catherine was on the verge of tears._

"_I understand. We just wait a few days." He held her close._

"_Eddie…" She wondered if he'd always been this patient and decided that he had. _

"_Catherine, it's fine. It's been a while. We're both nervous." Eddie was afraid that pushing her would only push her away. He was far from lonely while they were separated but being with Catherine was different. She satisfied his needs in a way no other woman ever could._

"_Thanks. I don't understand. I'm never early."_

"_Baby, it's probably stress." _

"_I was just leaving." She had a bag of clothes in one hand and her personal items in the other._

"_Don't stay on my account." He stood holding the door open waiting on her to leave._

"_Gil." She wanted him to listen. She wanted him to understand. This wasn't about her marriage. It was about her childhood. She watched her mother with man after man, marriage after marriage, only to go back to Sam Braun each time. She swore as a child she'd never give up on her marriage like her mother did. She wanted Gil to know but he was so angry she couldn't tell him._

"_Catherine, just leave. Please."_

"_I'm sorry." She bit her lip to fight back her tears. He wasn't going to see her cry today._

"_When did he get back?"_

"_He's coming back on Tuesday."_

"_Two days in that house by yourself. You'll have to find a man to keep you company until then."_

"_That's not fair." It wasn't and Gil knew it. He wanted to hurt her like she was hurting him. From the way she was walking out, he thought he'd done just that. It wasn't enough._

"_No. This isn't fair." He grabbed her by the arm, kissing her. He wanted her to know what she was giving up. He wanted her to need him more than he needed her. He wanted her to walk out frustrated, craving his touch over Eddie's. He wanted her._

"_We've got two days." Neither was sure who said it. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore except the next forty-eight hours that they would spend wrapped up in each other._

"_God, I've missed you." The two of them had spent the day in bed. Catherine's period had been surprisingly short. Eddie hoped it didn't mean that she'd start again when she normally would. _

"_I can tell." She had forgotten how vigorous Eddie was in bed. She was definitely going to be sore later._

"_You're going to be late for work." He patted her on the butt teasingly._

"_Am I?" She was playing with the hairs on his stomach. Eddie was ticklish and she was getting ready to pounce._

"Yes." He saw the look in her eyes and knew what was coming but he wouldn't stop her. He wasn't about to give up his vantage point.

"_I thought I was calling in sick." She pounced but not quickly enough._

"_I like that idea." Eddie rolled them over ready to make love to his wife again._


	11. Chapter 11

Gil was looking at the photos from the party that he had laid out on the evidence table. So far they had been unable to find any explanation for the unexplained wounds on the victim. The kids that had been identified as being there were not talking. He was hoping that by looking closely at the photographs he would find something, some small item, that was out of place and would possibly provide them a lead.

So far all he had found were beer bottles, cigarettes and a couple of boxes that at one time held condoms. He shook his head trying to remove the image of Lindsey at such a party. She was a child. She had no business around any of this. If she were his daughter he'd lock her up until she was forty.

He continued to scan the pictures looking for anything that might explain what happened that night. He told himself that he was looking for an explanation for the boy's death. He told himself that the pictures would tell the story of what happened. He told himself anything to avoid the real reason. He was looking for a reason for Lindsey's behavior.

It would have been easy enough to put the blame on Catherine. She was her mother. She was the one raising her or not depending on your point of view. Gil knew that she did the best she could with the circumstances she had been given. He often wondered when she slept or if she even slept. Catherine tried to be there for all the important events in her daughter's life. The only times he knew of her missing anything was when work interfered. Gil tried to make sure that didn't happen often if for no reason other than he was the one to catch her wrath if she did miss an event.

He looked at one of the pictures and saw a pair of blue jeans with "Lindsey" written on them by what looked like a marker. He remembered seeing her at the party in the t-shirt and not much else. Why couldn't she stay a little girl? Why did she have to grow up?

_"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear Lindsey. Happy Birthday to you."_

_The small group of friends and family had gathered at the Willows residence for their daughter's first birthday. The birthday girl, dressed in a white dress, was wide-eyed at all the noise that seemed to be directed at her. Her mother and father stood beside her encouraging her to blow out the single candle on the cake. They were blowing at her trying to show her what to do. Lindsey giggled and blew a big burst of air back at her father. _

"_No babydoll. Like this." He turned her face towards the cake and blew at the candle, encouraging his daughter to do the same. Lindsey mimicked her father and blew as hard as she could and saw the candle flame extinguished. Everyone was clapping so Lindsey clapped also. Catherine cut a small piece of the cake and put it in front of her daughter. She watched as Eddie rolled his fingers through the icing then let his daughter taste the icing. She snapped a picture of her daughter's reaction to the sweet taste. Before she could wind the film to the next frame Lindsey dove in with both hands covering herself in icing and cake. Eddie looked at his daughter and laughed. Lindsey laughed with him as she smeared icing on her father's face. Catherine put the camera down and picked up her daughter._

"_Excuse us while we clean up." She took Lindsey to the bathroom and quickly washed her daughter off. She started to redress her but decided that maybe a baby running around in just pampers wasn't so bad. _

_When they returned to the room Catherine and Eddie took Lindsey's gifts one by one and opened them for their daughter, letting her "oh" and "ah" over them like everyone else in the room was doing. They went through several gifts before coming to one in plain brown paper wrapped with a toy spider instead of a bow. Catherine looked at Gil and shook her head before returning to the package. Inside they found a large stuffed butterfly and a slightly smaller stuffed ladybug. Lindsey's chubby little hands reached out for the toys and promptly stuffed them into her chubby little mouth. Eddie reached for the toys to put them aside so they could open the next package but the little girl screamed at the top of her lungs so he let her hold them as the rest of her gifts were opened. Lindsey couldn't have cared less what the other packages contained._

Gil smiled to himself at the memory. Lindsey had been the perfect baby. It didn't hurt that she found her father's gift of a miniature guitar as interesting as watching grass grow. He knew Eddie adored his little girl and that she loved her father completely. However, Gil always felt a slight bit of satisfaction on the occasions where she preferred him to Eddie. It was if Eddie hadn't won it all.

_Catherine had announced to the lab she was pregnant two months earlier. She was still pulling field duty, determined to show she could do her job through her pregnancy. The two of them had been assigned a simple robbery and had been at the liquor store for two hours collecting evidence. He looked up when he heard a small crash. Catherine was standing frozen, her hand on her abdomen. Her expression was one of confusion. He was by her side in an instant._

_"Catherine, are you alright? The baby?" Then he saw it. A smile he'd never seen before began to fill her face. It was full of a contentment he'd never seen in Catherine before._

_"Shhh." She pushed him away._

_"Catherine?"_

_"The baby. I think she just moved."_

_"What?"_

_"She moved. I felt it." Catherine subconsciously grabbed Gil's hand and placed it where she had felt the movement._

_"I don't feel anything."_

_"Shhh." She swatted his arm and Gil laughed. Did she think noise would make the baby hide from them? "She did it again."_

_"I didn't feel anything."_

_"No, it's too early. I don't think you can." She wasn't making any sense._

_"Then why…?"_

_"Instinct. I don't know."_

_"What did it feel like?" He was genuinely curious. Obviously this was something he would never physically experience himself._

_"I don't know. Like a flutter. Like a butterfly fluttering inside me." Catherine still had the goofiest grin he'd ever seen plastered across her face. Gil reached for her face but stopped as she continued to talk._

_"I've got to call Eddie. No. I've got to go. I want to tell him in person. You can handle this, can't you?" It wasn't a question because she was already packing her kit._

_"Sure." He felt the shell beginning to close over him as he watched her walk out the door. "Anytime."_

Gil continued to look at the photograph with Lindsey's jeans. Something wasn't right he just couldn't place it. His stomach growled reminding him that Catherine should have been back by now. He grabbed his cell, flipping it open to call her when he saw it. There was a small broken brush laying approximately two feet from Lindsey's jeans. The broken tip had a blotch of red, possibly blood on it.

_Gil woke with a jolt. Someone was banging on his door. He looked at the clock and saw it read 11am. He pulled on his pajama pants, cussing under his breath as he made his way to the door. He yanked the door open prepared to yell at whoever was on the other side. His mouth was open but no sound came out. Standing before him was Catherine. She was holding a screaming Lindsey. But what caught his breath was Catherine's appearance. She wore no make up, her hair was tangled and mated and her jaw was swollen._

_"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to invite me in?" She was speaking faster than normal and her eyes were hollow, as if no soul occupied her body. Gil still didn't speak._

_"Fine." She turned to walk back to the elevator. Gil flinched when he saw the back of her head._

_"Catherine, what happened?" She kept walking, stopping only to push the down button._

_"I've got to go. I shouldn't have come here." She hit the button repeatedly as if that would make the elevator arrive faster. Gil put his hand to the back of her head causing her to hiss in pain._

_"That's a nasty cut."_

_"Yeah, well…" Her normally witty comeback wasn't there. She was too tired to think of one. Lindsey was crying even louder now. Catherine bounced her on her hip attempting to quiet her._

_"C'mon. I'll help you clean it up." His hand was on her free elbow, a gentle attempt to coerce her back to his door. She hit the down button a few more times before facing him._

_"Fine. It's better than standing here all day." Gil took the diaper bag from her as they made their way inside his townhouse. Catherine sat Lindsey on the floor and flopped down on his sofa._

_"I swear she never stops. All she does anymore is cry. She cries when I leave. She cries when I come home. She cries when I feed her. She cries when I change her. She just cries and cries and cries. I'm sick of it." Gil looked at Catherine as if she were possessed. "All I ever do anymore is change her, feed her, wash her. And for what? She just screams at me. I should never have had her."_

_Gil turned Catherine so that she was facing away from him. He pushed her hair out of the way to inspect the cut on the back of her head. It wasn't deep but it was big enough to have caused a big bloody mess._

_"Stay here, I'll get the first aid kit." He quickly made his way to the bathroom for his kit. He was almost back to the living room when he heard it._

_"God! Would you just shut the fuck up!" Gil saw Catherine's hand raise up against her daughter._

_"CATHERINE!" He had grabbed Lindsey and was holding her close to him. "What is wrong with you?"_

_"Nothing. She won't…"_

_"Bullshit! Catherine, you were about to hit her. What the hell is going on? What did Eddie do?" His yelling caused Lindsey's cries to become even louder._

_"Nothing." She saw he wasn't going to back down. "We had a little disagreement. Things got heated. That's all." She was walking around his living room like a caged lion._

_"A little?"_

_"It's no big deal."_

_"That bruise you'll have tomorrow and the gash on your head?"_

_"It was an accident. Give me my baby. I'm leaving." She was trying to pull Lindsey from him but Gil wasn't letting go. Instead he just looked into her eyes as the knowledge of what was really going on hit him like a ton of bricks._

_"Catherine, you know that shit could cost you your job." She froze unsure how she should react. After an awkward standoff she grabbed Lindsey and the diaper bag and stormed out._

_"Go to hell Gil."_

Gil shook his head to brush the memory of that day away before calling Nick on his cell.

"Hey, I need you to find out if we processed a broken brush at the Henderson party and I need it now." He slammed the phone into his pocket before making his way to the morgue.

_Gil was walking out the door with his assignment when Brass stopped him._

_"We need to talk. My office." Brass walked off with Gil following behind. "Sit." Brass closed the door behind him. Gil had no clue what was going on but he knew it couldn't be good._

_"Willows husband called me. Said she won't be in for four weeks. Said she has the flu." Brass paused in order to gauge Gil's reaction. "You want to tell me what's going on?"_

_"Sounds like she has the flu to me." Gil was lying. He knew it. Brass knew it._

_"Grissom, no one has a scheduled flu. Are you going to tell me or am I suspending her?"_

_"Jim, you can't. She needs this job. She has Lindsey."_

_"I need to know what is going on."_

_"Please, give her a break. I'm asking you to trust me on this."_

_"Fine, but if she is even one minute late when she comes back you both are suspended." Brass went to work on his pile of paperwork. Gil stood up, leaving as quickly as he could._

"Hey Doc, the boy from the Henderson party. Did you see anything that would indicate he was hit by a brush?" Gil had found Doc Robbins in his private breakroom, the one he had requisitioned two months ago. Doc had once told him no one questions anything a coroner wants.

"There was some unexplained bruising on the back of his head, no open wounds though." Al finished making his coffee. "I'll have to pull my report and take another look. But if memory serves me the size of the bruising would be consistent with a small hairbrush. Why?"

"I just remembered something I saw in the past."


	12. Chapter 12

Author: Coolcatz

Disclaimer: oh no, not going there

A/N: Thanks to Allison and Rose for their help on this chapter.

From Crate and Burial:

GRISSOM: You any better?

CATHERINE: What are you talking about?

GRISSOM: Your little major-minor blowup about Lindsey not wanting a party.

CATHERINE: Oh, that. Yeah. I'm just afraid that I'm making her

weird, you know?

GRISSOM: No.

CATHERINE: I work 24/7. I have no time for my friends. My daughter rarely

sees me having any fun. And, all of a sudden, she doesn't want a party.

GRISSOM: And that's because of you?

CATHERINE: Yes. I'm her mother. She mimics me.

GRISSOM: Well, then she'll be fine. I mean, look at you.

Catherine finally arrived back at the lab, cherry roll for Gil in a small bag and a large cup of cold coffee in her hand. She worked her way through the hallways until she found Gil. He was still in Doc Robbins' new breakroom.

"Nice." She took in the new surrounds. Al was a great guy who knew how to work the system. She thought that maybe she should transfer to the morgue so she and her ducks would have their own space.

"Thanks. Come by tomorrow. My sofa is supposed to be delivered before shift." Doc grabbed a remote and turned on his sound system. "Bose."

"This is why I'm sharing an office with the Day Shift supervisor you know." Catherine glared playfully at Gil who opened his mouth to speak only to be cut off by Doc.

"You're welcome here anytime."

Catherine handed the cherry roll to Gil and sat down between the two men.

"I thought we were working on a case, not hiding in the morgue."

"Take a look. Gil handed her the photo with Lindsey' jeans and saw her face flush with fear before she could mask it.

"Damn it, those jeans cost $60. I told her not to screw them up." When in doubt anger covered fear very well. Gil leaned over and pointed at the broken brush.

"This is what I wanted you to look at." Catherine looked at the photo, then pulled out her glasses and looked again. She noticed the blood on the broken tip.

"Looks like someone had a disagreement over something." She continued to examine the picture. "Where's the rest of the brush?"

"I don't know. We're going to have to go through everything again and see if we can find it. Right now, we're waiting on Doc's report to be delivered so we can re-examine the bruising on the victim."

The three of them were comparing the picture of the broken brush with pictures of the bruising on the young boy's body.

"There." Gil held out one of the photos, pointing to a bruise near the base of the boy's skull. Both Catherine and Doc looked at the photograph.

"Well I'll be damned." Doc spoke. "That bruising was consistent with bruising from the pool."

"Evidence out of context till now." Gil explained.

"You mentioned you'd seen this in a case before but I don't remember anything like this." Doc knew the details of almost every case that had come through in the last 15 years but couldn't place the one Gil was talking about.

"I didn't say it was a case." Gil continued to compare the two photographs while sneaking a glance at Catherine who was looking at the floor. Doc, of course, noticed the whole exchange but kept silent.

"I know the brush wasn't what caused his death so why are you…"

"Because the owner of the brush obviously had a problem with him." Gil's voice was short and curt.

"You're assuming that the owner of the brush is responsible for that." Catherine's voice was low. She hated when he judged someone without reason.

"We find the owner and we have a lead." Gil saw this as logical.

"The boy drowned." Catherine saw this as logical. The brush wasn't relevant.

"At the same party Lindsey was at."

"What does that have to do with.." Catherine yelled at Gil. Their voices grew louder as each one tried to speak over the other.

"She's just as much a suspect as anyone else who was there."

"Hold it. Do you honestly think that my daughter…"

"She's Eddie's daughter too. Not to mention Sam's granddaughter so yes I do."

"She's thirteen Gil. She's not capable…"

"…of hurting someone? Catherine we see kids all the time who…"

"…oh get real. She snuck out. She had a few drinks. She didn't…"

"She didn't have a mother responsible enough to make sure she was home."

"Don't you dare. You know damned well I tried to transfer to days so I could be home with her."

"At least Eddie was always there for her."

They both froze. Doc sat silently to the side wishing that he could just disappear. He watched the wordless duel that played out between the two of them, each daring the other to make the next move. He was shocked when Catherine walked out without uttering another word, but not as shocked as he was when Gil finally spoke.

"Lindsey needs a real mother."

Catherine was standing outside of Doc's breakroom fighting back tears. She knew what Gil was referring to when he mentioned the brush. Her hairdresser reminded her of it every time she went in for a color.

_C'mon babe." Eddie lay beside her, nuzzling her neck._

"_I'm tired." As good as his body felt all Catherine could think about was getting some sleep. His hands drifted lower and she pushed them away. "I'm serious. I've had enough."_

"_No, you just need a little pick me up." He crawled out of the bed. She sighed with relief. Now maybe she would be able to get some rest._

_Eddie crawled back in bed, spooning her as he pulled the hair off the back of her neck gently placing kisses from the base of her skull to her mouth as he turned her to face him. She opened her mouth to protest only to hear him shush her as he placed some pills inside her mouth._

"_Trust me babe. You'll be fine." He then kissed her deeply. "You know you want it as much as I do." _

_The truth was she did want it as much as Eddie but she had been working long hours on difficult cases. Then when she came home she still had an infant daughter who needed her, a husband who wanted her and a house to take care of. Something was obviously going to suffer and what suffered was her sex life with her husband. She looked into Eddie's eyes seeing the desire and longing he held for her, remembered the promise she made to herself when they reconciled and swallowed the pills._

"_How long before this stuff kicks in" she said as she pulled him to her._

"_Don't you worry about that."_

"_Lindsey's crying." Eddie stopped what he was doing._

"_She's fine." Catherine pulled him back to her, her body aching for more. But Eddie pulled away again. _

"_No, babe, she sounds upset. You need to go check on her." He kissed her softly on the shoulder and tried to pull off again._

"_What I need is for you to finish this." Whatever was in those pills had definitely kicked in. She was wide awake, alert and horny as hell._

"_Catherine, I can't do this with her crying. You need to go check on her." He pulled off his wife and waited for her to go tend to their daughter._

"_Why don't you go check on her? You're her father." Catherine's mood had gone from horny to hateful in a heartbeat. All she had wanted was sleep. Eddie wanted sex. He gave her the pills and now she wanted sex. Only she wasn't getting sex or sleep and he wanted her to deal with the crying baby. She rolled over and pulled the covers over her body._

"_Catherine, Lindsey is hungry. She needs you." He pulled the covers off of her._

"_Well I'm not going so I suggest you either make her some formula or find a way to lactate yourself. She's just going to get louder if you don't." She yanked the covers back towards her with enough force to pull Eddie with them. He crashed into her causing her to topple off of the bed. Catherine was now pissed._

_She grabbed the phone off the nightstand and threw it at Eddie but he dodged it. He crawled off the bed, yanked her up by the arm and pulled her towards the door._

"_Go feed her now!" He opened the door and pushed her through, hand still on her arm. Catherine slapped him with her free hand only to have him grab it also._

"_Let me go" she spat at him._

"_I don't think so." Eddie was now angry and horny. _

_He pushed her against the wall and bit into the soft skin below her neck. He could feel her struggling against him as his hands gripped her hips holding her to him. Catherine pulled at his hands but couldn't move them so she kicked him instead causing Eddie to back off just long enough for her to break free. Eddie grabbed her tee shirt ripping it as he pulled her around to face him. Catherine threw a right hook at him connecting at his jaw line._

"_So that's how you want to play," Eddie snarled. Catherine came at him again, both hands grabbing for his face as she jumped him causing them both to fall to the floor. Eddie shoved her off but Catherine came right back at him, straddling him as she went to deck him again. Eddie grabbed her waist and flipped them, pinning her body below him. Catherine kicked him hard in the groin and he fell to the side. She crawled back on top of him fists flying into his chest. Eddie flipped them again, this time sitting on her legs to keep her from kicking. Catherine pulled up from the floor ready to take another swing at him. Eddie reached her arms to pin them down but Catherine shifted under him causing his hand to connect with her jaw. She felt her teeth slam together as her head jerked back hard against the floor. The room was spinning around her. Eddie backed off giving her time to regain her senses. Catherine scrambled upright, grabbed a brush from the dresser and threw it at him. Eddie dodged the brush and it hit the wall cracking in two from the impact. He grabbed one piece of the brush and threw it back at Catherine. She turned to dodge but wasn't quick enough as the brush crashed into the back of her head. She felt the blood dribble onto her neck and placed a hand on the wound to see how bad it was._

"_You son of a bitch." She ran at Eddie but he grabbed her, holding her still._

"_Catherine, stop!" _

"_Let me go." She screamed as she struggled against him but he held her even tighter._

"_Catherine, you're bleeding." His voice had changed. It sounded almost like he was concerned._

"_It's not the first time." Her voice was bitter. Their fights had been escalating for a few months. _

"_Catherine, you're really bleeding." She didn't care. She was pissed off because she was being denied the two things she wanted most right now and the reason why was screaming loudly from the next room._

_She jerked away from him and walked out of their bedroom and into Lindsey's. She picked up her crying daughter, grabbed the diaper bag and walked out the front door with Eddie hot on her heels._

"_That's right. Go back to your boyfriend." Eddie slammed the door and went to the kitchen. He opened the freezer, grabbed a handful of ice, wrapped it in a cloth and placed it on his jaw. Then he grabbed a beer from the fridge and went to watch a ballgame on ESPN._

Catherine slumped against the wall, her hand going to the place on her head where the brush hit her that night. A thousand memories were flooding her mind. Memories of Eddie, of Gil and of Lindsey. It was then that she heard Gil's words to Doc…"Lindsey needs a real mother."


	13. Chapter 13

Author: coolcatz  
Rating: csi 3 overall  
Disclaimer: OK OK! You figured it out. I did not write the season finale!

Lindsey sat in the back of the classroom slouching her chair. Beside her sat four of her classmates, all ball players. One of the advantages of alphabetically assigned seats was that she was always in the middle of a bunch of cute boys. This, and the fact that Lindsey favored her mother so much, gave her an advantage over every other girl in the class.

Today Lindsey was slouched in her seat because she and the boy next to her were passing notes back and forth and didn't want to be caught.

"Hey. The nazi still have you in lock down?"

"Yeah."

"That sucks."

"No, you suck."

"No, you do."

"But I thought you liked it."

"Babe, no one sucks like you do."

"Damn straight."

"So how much longer are you going to be grounded?"

"Dunno."

"You still have beads for a door?"

"Hell yeah."

"Damn."

"I hate her."

"Me too."

"I want to go out so bad."

"There's a party Firday."

"Hello! Nazi!"

"Thought she worked."

"She does. Nazi #2, the nanny."

"Oh. You should bribe her."

"Really? You think? Already tried it."

"You have to be at this party."

"I know"

"The window?"

"I don't think that window will ever be opened again."

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"Yeah."

"Then call social services on her ass."

"Why?"

"Cuz they'll take her away, you go to a foster home for a couple of days and you'll be able to go to the party."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"I dunno."

"Linds, this is going to be THE party. You can't miss it."

"I'll think about it."

Lindsey was about to pass the note back when her teacher snatched it from her hands.

"Ms. Willows, this is why you are not passing this class." She walked to the front of the room, placed the note in her desk drawer and resumed her lecture.

Gil and Catherine had been working their crime scene for almost the entire shift. It had been a very quiet evening between the two of them. Catherine hadn't said more than three words to Gil that were not related to work. He asked about Lindsey and all she said was that Lindsey was fine. He asked about Lily and Catherine's reply was the same as before. He winked at her while giving her a clever quote that fit the scene but she just turned away. He threw a corny joke at her only to watch her walk into the other room without a word. Gil decided to just give her some space. She could be having her period or maybe menopause had hit her overnight. Either way he decided it was best to just let her be.

Catherine was hiding in the kitchen. Gil had been following her around like a lost puppy dog all night and she wasn't in the mood to deal with him. She knew he didn't realize she had overheard what he had said to Doc Robbins. He was acting too normal. It didn't matter though. She had heard his words and there was no way to take them back. She couldn't understand why he had paired them up when he obviously despised her. She took in a deep breath and continued to process the kitchen. Shortly after 6 a.m. her phone rang. She saw her home number on the display.

"Hello."

"Cath….sore…." was all Catherine could make out before she was assaulted by a horrendous coughing fit from the other end of the call.

"Mom?"

"…school…sleep…" This was accompanied by a sneezing fit.

"Mom. Are you sick?"

"…said….home…drive…TISSUE!" Catherine pulled the phone away as her mother's clogged nose trumpeted through the line.

"Mom, I'll be home in time to take Lindsey to school. Just go back to bed."

"…already…girl…never listen…" The phone clicked indicating her mother had hung up.

Catherine placed her phone back in its cradle then turned towards the living room. She had rode to the scene with Gil and she needed to get home. They didn't have time to go back to the lab for her to get her car. She gnawed on her lower lip for a few minutes debating whether to ask him for a lift or not. In the end her daughter's welfare won out over her anger (it always did) and she made arrangements with Gil to run her home so they could take Lindsey to school.

The two of them picked Lindsey up. The ride to Butterfield was just as quiet as their night had been. Lindsey was a night person like her mother and mornings just didn't agree with her. She was grumpy until at least 10 a.m. no matter what. Gil watched the two of them, looking at Lindsey in the mirror and stealing quick glances at Catherine when he could. Even now, almost fourteen years after Catherine gave birth to Lindsey, he still felt an unexplainable wonder when looking at Lindsey. He completely understood the biology behind creation but to actually hold a newborn and then to watch her grow into a beautiful young woman was beyond anything science could explain to him.

Catherine was doing practically the same thing as Gil. She watched her daughter and stole glances at Gil. All she could think about was her conversation yesterday with Wendy, something she had forgotten after her fight with Gil. But here in the silence of the car it all came back to her. She looked from her daughter to Gil and back. Her mind was reeling. It was impossible and she knew it but yet the DNA comparison said it was possible.

Lindsey adored her father. They did everything together, especially after Eddie and Catherine divorced. Her taste in food, music and friends was Eddie made over but these traits could easily be environmental, she knew that. Lindsey was loud like her but there were times when she was incredibly silent, preferring to spend her time in her organic garden with its own miniature ecosystem. 

She looked at her daughter's eyes, her blue eyes. They were not the same blue as Catherine's eyes or Eddie's. Or even Gil's eyes as far as that went. To be perfectly honest it was if her eyes contained the color of all of their eyes combined. When she smiled her eyes held the same hint of mischievousness that Gil's eyes held. Her mouth turned the way Eddie's mouth would turn when he smiled but the shape was definitely not the same as Eddie's. Her hair? Well Catherine was a blonde---now. She knew it. Eddie knew it. Gil knew it. Well almost everyone knew it. Eddie and Gil both had brown hair. Eddie had blonde hair as a child but she didn't know about Gil.

She shook her head. This was insane. There was no way Gil was Lindsey's father. It was impossible. She and Eddie didn't have sex until after she had cycled. Wendy had made a mistake. She would just have to have a private test done, not that she needed it, but still just to prove there was a problem in the lab that needed to be corrected before this happened to another family.

"Mom! You have to sign me in!" Lindsey screamed, yanking her mother out of her thoughts and back into the real world as she slammed the door behind her.

"I'll be right back" Catherine said to Gil as she climbed out to follow her daughter inside.

Catherine had signed Lindsey in and was on her way back to the car when she was stopped by one of her daughter's instructors.

"Mrs. Willows, I'm glad I caught you. Saves me a call later."

"Why? What's going on?"

"I thought you should be aware of this." She handed Catherine the note Lindsey and her friend had been passing back and forth yesterday. "Lindsey has been doing so much better the past few weeks but I think we may be headed for trouble again."

"Yes, thank you." Catherine pocketed the note after reading it and stood up to leave. "My partner is waiting. I need to go." She smiled sweetly but her voice was tinged with fear.

"I know you work long hours but I really think you need to take this seriously. Honestly I should have turned this because of what she says about her bedroom but I prefer to give the parents a…"

"Listen. I'll raise my daughter the way I see fit." She rushed out of the building and slammed her way back into the car.

Gil looked at her, groaning inwardly. Catherine hadn't been in a good mood all night but something had happened inside that made her mood even worse.

"Wanna talk about it?" Gil was now certain that whatever was bothering her had to do with Lindsey.

"No."

"If you do…"

"I don't!" With that statement she ended any further questioning by Gil.

They rode in silence for several minutes. Gil heard a silent gasp and glanced over to see a tear falling down Catherine's cheek. He pulled into the nearest parking lot killing the engine. He opened his door, walked around to the passenger's side and opened Catherine's door. He reached in to pull her into his arms.

"I said I don't want to talk about it." Catherine pushed him away.

"I want to help."

"I'm sure you do." Since he wouldn't leave her alone she turned away from him.

"Catherine, what happened in there? Is Lindsey in trouble again?" His hand was on her shoulder trying to calm her. She looked at him, biting into her jaw to keep the words forming on her lips from escaping.

"Damn it. Do you want her to try something stupid again? I'm trying to help and if you don't talk to me I can't…" That was it. She'd had enough. How dare he even offer to help after what he said about her yesterday.

"OH SHUT UP!" The full force of her fury spilled forth from her body with this statement. She knocked his arm away with enough force that it slammed into the side of the car before shoving past him and storming off. Gil looked at her as if she'd lost her mind.

"Catherine, what the hell is going on with you? You've been acting crazy all night." He watched her turn around and wished he'd kept his mouth shut.

"I would think that would make you happy. Give you more ammunition to use against me."

"What are you talking about?"

"You think Lindsey needs someone else to raise her."

"Why would I…"

"I heard you yesterday. I heard what you said to Doc. At least I know how you really feel now. Funny thing is my daughter seems to agree with you." She pulled the note from her pocket and threw it at him. "Along with her teacher. The three of you can't be wrong."

Gil read the note. He then mentally kicked himself for not realizing that she would have heard him. He was angry at the time and Catherine thought he had meant it. But he didn't mean it

"I'm sorry. I was out of place…" Gil looked her in the eyes and saw the pain his words had caused her.

"You said what you really thought."

"No. I didn't. Catherine, you are a wonderful mother." For the life of him he couldn't understand why she wouldn't accept his apology.

"Right. My daughter thinks I'm a Nazi, sounds like mother of the year material to me." Catherine had one arm wrapped around her chest and ran her fingers through her hair with the other in an effort to stop the tears that threatened to fall.

"She's thirteen, she's supposed to think you are a Nazi. If she didn't then you would be a bad mother." Gil didn't move towards her, the uncertainty of the moment had him frozen in place.

"I need to take the night off. She doesn't know I know and she's planning on sneaking out." Catherine resumed her pacing.

"We'll both take the night off." Gil felt like an idiot just standing there but there was nothing else he could do.

"No."

"I want to."

"No. I don't want you there. You've done enough." She wasn't thanking him. Her voice was bitter but Gil had no clue why. His body finally remembered how to move and he went to her.

"I told you I was angry. I'm sorry Catherine. I would never hurt you like that."

"Well, I guess that's the difference between us." Catherine was furious. "Because I would." She shoved him away again but Gil refused to let her walk away.

"Catherine, you're afraid right now. You don't know…"

"Don't know what? How to raise my daughter by myself?" Catherine could no longer fight the tears. Her self-control was lost amid the confusion, anger and fear.

"That's not what I meant."

"Or maybe that I don't know how to raise Eddie's daughter? Is that it?" She chastised herself for not even being responsible enough to be a mother to Eddie's daughter.

"You aren't making any sense." Gil was seriously concerned. It had been many years since he'd seen Catherine this out of control.

"Or maybe it's because I don't know whose daughter it is I'm raising anymore."


	14. Chapter 14

disclaimer: you've seen the mess, you know i don't own them. i couldn't be that cruel to them

a/n: this chapter contains adult situations. the story rating has been adjusted accordingly.

"Catherine she's a teenager. She's just testing her boundaries." Gil watched as his friend fell apart in front of him realizing how just how much Lindsey's behavior had emotionally drained her.

"I just don't know who she is anymore."

"Cath, it's just a phase. She is stubborn. Hard-headed. Just like you. Like Eddie." He leaned against the car watching Catherine as she tried to regain control. Finally she came over and leaned beside him.

"Like you Gil." Her words were spoken softly and tinged with a regret Gil couldn't recognize.

"Well yes, I guess you could say that. She's been around me enough to pick up some of my habits." A small smile appeared on his mouth.

"What if you were?"

"What?"

"What if you were her father?"

"I'd probably lock her in her room for the next twenty years." He laughed gently at the idea of his being Lindsey's father. In all honesty he would lock her in her room now if Catherine would let him. She looked and acted much too much like her mother to allow teenage boys near her.

"I'm serious."

"I can't answer that."

"Just forget it." She banged her fists against the side of the car.

"Fine." Gil walked around to the driver's side, climbing in and starting the engine. When Catherine didn't move he rolled down her window. "Come on, we have a scene to finish processing."

"Of course. Process the scene. Take care of the lab. That's what you do best." She climbed back into the car. "I don't know why you even bothered to have surgery on your ears. You never listen to anything anyone says."

"I did try to talk to you last night and you pushed me away."

"Because you are an ass" she said as she slammed the door.

"I've already apologized Catherine. I was upset I didn't mean it."

"Like I need your criticism now."

"Fine. I'll just shut up because apparently I can say nothing right to you at the moment." He pulled out into traffic. They rode in silence for a few minutes.

"I hate it when you do this."

"Do what?" She was trying his patience.

"I thought you were going to shut up." She rolled her eyes at him before turning back to the window.

Gil pulled over again and looked at Catherine.

"Would you just say whatever it is you want to say to me instead of just yelling at me?"

"Wendy asked me to use Lindsey's DNA in a study she is doing and I agreed."

"The comparative DNA study?" That wasn't what he was expecting her to say.

"Yes."

"But there was a problem, the samples were contaminated or there was a glitch in the computer because when she compared Lindsey's DNA to Eddie's it wasn't a match. But that's not possible. Eddie is Lindsey's father. And I don't know why I'm so upset because I know the test results were wrong. It's just with everything that has been happening...I'm…she just made a mistake. That's all. She made a mistake."

"What are you talking about? What do you mean Eddie's not Lindsey's father?" He wasn't sure he'd heard her correctly.

"Eddie is her father. I'm her mother damn it! I should know."

"Cath slow down." He put his hand on her shoulder as if that could stop her but she pushed it away.

"Would you just leave me alone."

"Catherine what are you talking about?"

"I'm not..it isn't important." She was avoiding him and he knew it.

"Catherine. Look at me." He pulled her face towards him. "Is Lindsey my daughter?"

Catherine pushed his hand away, turned towards the passenger's window and ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. Her mouth was closed but he saw her roll her tongue over her teeth, biting back whatever it was she wanted to say. After what seemed like an eternity she turned to face him.

"It's possible." She quickly turned away again.

Gil didn't know what to do so he just pulled back onto the highway. The two of them sat in silence as the words she'd said began to register with him. Eddie wasn't Lindsey's father. He was…no that wasn't what she said. He had a daughter? That wasn't possible. Catherine wouldn't have done that to him. She wouldn't have kept this from him. But she did. Lindsey was nearly 14 years old and he was just now being told. Catherine lied to him, lied to Lindsey, lied to Eddie. She lied to him. And she was telling him to shut up, to just forget about it. She was acting as if she was the one hurt and wanted him to fix it. Not this time. No way. He pulled the car into another shopping center.

"Get out." He refused to look at her.

"What?" Catherine's eyes were wide with shock.

"Get out." The words bubbled from his mouth as if they were about to explode.

"Gil?"

"Are you telling me I may be Lindsey's father?"

"Yes, but I…" She tried to explain only to be cut off.

"Get out Catherine." The warning in his statement cut through the air between them as if the words themselves were knives.

"…I didn't know, why are you…"

"Catherine, please. Get out now. I'll have someone come and pick you up, just please get out."

"Gil…"

"Catherine, please. I need to be away from you right now before I…" Desperation and anger were begging her to leave now.

"Before you what? Damn it Gil."

"Catherine."

Catherine stared at him blankly before grabbing her purse and getting out. She walked into the Chinese restaurant in the shopping center, taking a table and placing an order before she pulled out her phone.

"Hey, Nick. You busy? Can you meet me…yeah, I'm fi…no, I'm not. Please Nick." She gave him the name of the restaurant and hung up.

Gil pulled out of the parking and took off. He couldn't be near her right now and process what she had said. Fourteen years. Lindsey was nearly fourteen. His daughter was nearly fourteen and he was just now finding out about her. The daughter Eddie had held when she was a baby. The daughter Eddie had fed and changed and bathed. The daughter that had seen Eddie beat Catherine. The daughter he'd nearly lost because of Eddie's drug habit.

Why did she lie to him? Did she hate him that much? Did Eddie still, three years after his death, have that much influence over her?

Gil continued to drive not really paying attention to where he was going. Somehow he ended up at Lindsey's school. He drove around to the field looking for her in the crowd but she wasn't there. He then realized he didn't know her schedule and pulled away.

His daughter. He didn't know her schedule. He didn't know who her best friend was. He didn't know who she had a crush on, well he did but only because he read the note the teacher confiscated yesterday. If Catherine had had her car with her this morning he wouldn't even know that. He didn't know where she liked to shop. He didn't know when she stopped believing in Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. He didn't know if she believed in God. She didn't know his mother. His mother. She was a grandmother and didn't know it. He looked at the dashboard clock and realized they should have been back at the crime scene over two hours ago. He made a couple of quick calls, reassigning Sara and Warrick to the scene before heading back home. He needed to think.

Catherine stood in the kitchen preparing dinner for her and Lindsey, a simple salad and spaghetti with garlic and pepper sauce. She wasn't going in to work tonight. The last 72 hours had taken its toll on her. She was emotionally drained, physically exhausted and in desperate need of sleep. On top of all of this she still had to deal with Lindsey's plan to sneak out.

She shook her head in an effort to clear her mind before ripping the lettuce into small pieces. In some small way the feel and sound of the leaves being torn apart gave her a sense of relief. She grabbed a tomato and began to slice it with a little more enthusiasm than she felt five minutes ago. More tension drained from her body so she grabbed another tomato and sliced it also. Suddenly her simple salad took on a life of its own. She shredded a block of cheese, sliced broccoli and cauliflower, minced some garlic, pitted a pepper and then sliced some carrots. She had just grabbed the celery when the doorbell rang. She set the celery down but for some unknown reason kept the knife in her hand as she went to answer the door. The bell rang again before she could reach the door.

"Coming!" The bell rang one more time before she could reach the door. "Good grief! Give me a minute will you!"

She tore the door open and stopped where she was. Gil was standing there, looking at her as if he could rip her in two. She slammed the door but he had his foot inside.

"I need to see her. Please." For a moment Catherine's heart felt sorry for him, but only for a moment as she quickly remembered what he had done to her earlier that day.

"I don't think that's a good idea right now." She was angry. Gil was Angry. Catherine was afraid that with all of them together that Lindsey would find out. She wasn't about to push her daughter further away from her by one of the blurting out the fact that Eddie may not be her father.

"I promise I won't say anything." Gil responded as if he had read her thoughts but Catherine didn't budge. "If she's my daughter…"

"Lower your voice." She opened the door just enough to step through and push him back, closing the door behind her. "I never said she was…"

"You said it was possible." The two of them were standing inches apart as their whispered voices spat at each other.

"You left me in the middle of nowhere…"

"I called Sara…"

"Of course you did…"

"I called Sara to pick you up. She said she couldn't find you."

"Feeling guilty?"

"No."

"Why are you really here?"

"I want to see Lindsey."

"You saw her this morning."

"That was different."

"How? Did she grow a horn or something I don't know about?"

"I'm not leaving."

"Fine. I'll call…"

"Who? Jim? Call whoever you want. You're the one who will have to explain why I'm being arrested to Lindsey."

"Fine." She didn't move. "But first tell me why you left me today."

"I can't. It's just…I can't. Catherine, please."

"One word and you're gone."

"I promise."

Lindsey had not felt this much tension at dinner since before her parent's divorce. No one was talking. Gil was staring at her and her mom was staring at Gil. She watched as Gil would open his mouth to speak only to close it again because her mother coughed or nudged him. Her mother hardly touched the food on her plate, instead she was stirring tracks in her spaghetti. Gil was swallowing his without chewing anything. He was on his third plate and Lindsey doubted he even knew what he was eating.

Lindsey finally had enough of the silence.

"Why are you staring at me?" Gil nearly choked on his spaghetti when she spoke. He thought his glances had been subtle, unnoticeable. "You've got more food on your shirt than in your mouth." Catherine glanced over allowing a slight laugh to escape as she noticed Gil's shirt for the first time. Lindsey looked at her mother and continued.

"You haven't even touched your dinner. You didn't put ex-lax in this did you?" This time Gil smirked. "Oh God! I'm gonna be sick!" Lindsey grasped her stomach and melodramatically keeled over.

"Lindsey Willows get out of the floor right now."

"Why are you guys acting like this? Do I have a big zit? Oh God! I have a zit! I bet it's huge." Lindsey picked up her fork trying to see her reflection in it.

"You don't have a zit but if you don't start washing your face like I told you to do then you will."

Lindsey rolled her eyes at her mother before continuing. She looked at her shirt, putting her hands over her chest.

"It's my breasteses isn't it" she announced with a solemnity usually reserved for funerals.

"What?" Catherine wasn't sure she had heard her daughter right.

"My breasteses. My boobies. One of them is bigger than the other." She grabbed them to emphasize her point.

"No Sweetie. They're perfect." Gil spoke before thinking about it. Catherine and Lindsey looked at him, mouths agape.

"Ew Gil! That's perverted. Why are you looking at my boobies?"

"Lindsey that's not what I…I wasn't looking…" Both Lindsey and Catherine were laughing at him.

"Yes you were…" Catherine choked out.

"I wasn't."

"You were too. That's so gross. You're old!"

"Lindsey…" Gil's face was what his mother would refer to as "beat red" and he was stuttering.

"Yeah, Gil. I thought Sara chasing you was strange, but this…"

"Ew, Sara! Oh my God! Did you kiss her?

Gil tried to get a word in but the two Willows women were on a role.

"I think he did."

"I bet it was like kissing sandpaper. Does she have a pokey beard to? I'll bet it was like two porcupines kissing."

Catherine made a smooching sound and Lindsey screamed "Ow!" They did this several times before Gil recovered his wits enough to speak.

"At least I can hold on to her. Your mother uses so much lotion that no man can keep her in his arms for more than a minute. That's why she has so many boyfriends." Lindsey roared. Her mother did use a lot of lotion.

"Stop exaggerating Gil." Catherine didn't think it was so funny.

"I'm not exaggerating." He grabbed Catherine who pulled away before he could get a good grip on her. "See!" He reached for her again but she stood up and left the table.

"Mom! He's right."

"Lindsey, don't be ridiculous."

Gil wasn't about to give up that easily. He followed her to the kitchen wrapping his arms around her waist. Catherine wriggled free and ran behind the counter.

"But Catherine, no one can…" Gil stopped mid-sentence when he saw Catherine slip on the floor and start to fall. He reached for her to stop her fall but was pulled down with her.

"Hey Gil! You got her." Lindsey was laughing so hard it hurt.

Gil looked at Catherine. He did indeed have her, his arms wrapped tightly around his waist and she couldn't get away. Evil thoughts filled his mind. He rolled her over, pinning her beneath him.

"Don't you dare!"

Gil dared. He tickled her mercilessly as she thrashed below him trying to escape.

"Lindsey! Help!" Catherine screamed at her daughter.

"Yes, Lindsey, why don't you help." Gil stopped long enough to turn and wink at Lindsey. She got the message.

"I'm coming Mom." She jumped into the pile, tickling her mother alongside Gil. Catherine attempted to get away but Gil had her solidly pinned beneath him.

"Stop it! Lindsey you are so going to be grounded again." Lindsey took it as the idle threat her mom had meant.

"I'm so not doing your paperwork anymore if you DON'T…" Gil had found an especially ticklish spot under her knee causing Catherine to yelp. She managed to free one of her hands. She reached forward, grabbed Gil by the shirt and pulled him towards her in order to stop him. Unfortunately she grabbed him with so much force that they butted heads. Catherine's eyes welled with water from the contact. Gil and Lindsey pulled away to let her up. Gil reached out an arm to pull her from the floor, reaching to check out the bump.

"I'm fine." She choked out as the tears began to fall.

"Catherine?" His own head smarted from the contact but he didn't think he had hit Catherine that hard.

"It just…I'm sorry." She took off down the hall slamming her bedroom door behind her.

"Lindsey." Gil started.

"I know. Clean up the kitchen while you check on her."

"That's my girl." He kissed her on the forehead before going to Catherine's room.

"Whatever. You know you could have just asked me to clean the kitchen instead of beating my mom senseless." Gil could hear Lindsey's tirade continue as he made his way to Catherine's bedroom. He knocked softly before opening her door.

"Catherine. Catherine?" He heard water running and walked to the bathroom door.

"Catherine?" He hesitated at her door.

"I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute" she said between sobs. Gil opened the door and walked on in.

"I told you I was fine" she spate out.

"No. You're not." He stood facing her back, watching her face in the mirror.

"I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"I thought we weren't talking about this."

"Whatever." It was the same tone Lindsey had just used with him.

"Well we know one thing. Lindsey is definitely your daughter." Gil half smiled.

"She'd better be after twelve hours of labor." Catherine paused as she splashed her face with cool water. "I would have told you if I had known."

"How can you not…"

"Eddie and I we didn't…"

"Didn't what?"

"We didn't…we weren't…" It had always been difficult to tell Gil about her sex life, especially if it involved Eddie.

"Intimate?"

"Yeah. Thanks…till after…there was no way I should have been pregnant."

The two of them stood silently for what seemed an eternity.

"She's beautiful." Gil's words were barely a whisper but Catherine heard him, a slight smile coming to her face.

"You say that like you've never seen her before."

"Not like this. Not knowing that I…that we…" Gil reached out, turned her to face him. His hands fell to her waist as he pushed up the tank top she was wearing.

"Gil." Catherine tried to push him away only to have him take her hand in his as he continued pushing the shirt up.

"Shh." He dropped to his knees and began to run his hand along her abdomen. "you were beautiful when you were carrying Lindsey." His fingers traced a faint line. "Stretch marks." He leaned forward, kissing the place his hand had marked, repeating this for each line he found.

"Gil." Catherine whispered.

"Shh." His hands continued their journey stopping at one particular spot.

"This is where you first felt her move." Several kisses were placed here before his hands trailed to another area.

"This is where I felt her kick for the first time." One long, soft kiss was placed at this spot. His hands were now high on her abdomen.

"Here. She stuck her foot out." Another long kiss was placed at the memory. He looked at Catherine seeing confusion in her eyes but not stopping. Slowly he stood up, lifting her shirt over her head and placing it carefully over the counter. Then he undid the clasp at the front of her bra, pushing it slowly from her shoulders. His hands made their way to her breasts, touching each one. His mouth encircled her left breast gently sucking the nipple till it was hard and taut.

"The first time I saw her you were feeding her here. You were tired, your hair still damp from giving birth, your make up gone and you had never looked more beautiful than you did at that moment."

"Gil. Please. Stop." He looked up to see tears falling from her face. Slowly he lifted himself to her face and wiped the tears from her cheek.

"We can argue later" he said as he pressed a finger to her lips. His other hand was on her neck, fingering her long hair.

"You cut it all off not long after she was born. You said it took too long to fix since you had to take care of her. You looked like a red-headed pixie."

He looked into her eyes and she snapped them shut. He then leaned forward kissing her on the forehead.

"You brought her to the lab one day. The two of you were sitting in the break room playing peak-a-boo. Lindsey was a bit overenthusiastic and head-butted you. You had a huge knot here for days." He kissed the memory of the knot again. Catherine shuddered. He wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her tightly to him. He felt her body tense. His other hand continued to run through her hair coming to rest in a place they both knew well.

"You came to me for help. I was angry, angry at Eddie for hurting you and angry at you for letting him. Instead of holding you like this I berated you. Catherine, I was wrong." His hand came around to cup her face as his thumb wiped away more tears.

"Let me hold you tonight. I need to hold you tonight." His thumb continued caressing her cheek as he waited for her to open her eyes.

"Gil. I…" Catherine struggled to get away from him. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Mom? Are you OK?" Never had Catherine been so relieved at her daughter's bad timing.

"I'm fine Lindsey."

"Are you sure?" She turned the knob and Catherine pushed Gil from her, grabbing the door before her daughter could open it.

"Yes" she said as she cracked the door just enough for Lindsey to see her face. "We'll be out in a minute. Go find a movie on pay per view for us to watch."

She closed the door, locking it just in case. She reached around Gil grabbing her shirt and bra, throwing them on quickly.

"Catherine?" Gil looked at her with a desperation she had never seen. Her mind was in overload. She needed time but she had taken fourteen years away from him, even if it wasn't intentional. She couldn't push him away but she couldn't give him what he needed to hear either.

"I need to check on Lindsey." She brushed past him leaving him along.

The three of them sat alone in the family room. Lindsey was lying in the floor, Gil stretched out on the sofa and Catherine curled protectively in a chair. Lindsey felt rather than saw Gil's eyes on her but she wouldn't look at him. Instead she glued her eyes to the television, occasionally sneaking glances at her mother. She could see the pain in her mother's eyes and Lindsey knew she was fighting back tears. It reminded Lindsey of the times her mother and father would fight in their bedroom. She didn't want to think Gil would treat Catherine as Eddie had but the situation felt exactly the same. The only difference was that when the night was over Gil would go home and there would be no noise coming from her parent's room. For this she was grateful.

Gil was lost in his own world. He took turns staring at Lindsey and Catherine. He wanted to grab Lindsey and never let her go. He wanted to turn back the clock so he could experience her life as her father and not as an outsider. He looked at Catherine and confusion filled his soul. He wanted to pull her into his arms, make love to her, show her that he was grateful for his daughter but he also wanted to hurt her. To make her pay for taking his baby from him to be raised by another man. He wanted to take Lindsey away from her, having his daughter to himself like she had all these years. He wanted her to know what it was like to watch the one you love raise a family with someone else.

Catherine tried her best to shield herself from both of them. For once she felt she couldn't address a problem head on. Instead she wanted to run and hide until it went away, but she knew this problem would never go away. Her mind was still reeling from what happened in the bathroom. Gil had never been so gentle and he had never frightened her more. She knew he was angry with her but his caresses had been so full of love and tenderness. Her body felt more alive than it had felt in years but her heart told her that was his way of punishing her for hurting him while showing how grateful he was for her body's carrying his child. Instead of accepting this she had pushed him away once more. She closed her eyes in a vain attempt to escape only to find a memory lurking just below the surface.

_i Lindsey was 10 months old, in diapers and walking. Catherine had been out of treatment for only a few days and was supposed to return to work an hour ago but Eddie wasn't home and she didn't have a sitter. She had been in the middle of changing Lindsey when the doorbell rang. She left Lindsey lying in the floor while she went to the door. Gil had driven over to pick her up so that she didn't have to double back from the lab as a welcome back gesture. Before either of them could say a word Lindsey had bolted out the door, naked as a jaybird, her dirty diaper hanging from her chubby little hands. They both took chase with Gil reaching her first, scooping her up diaper and all causing Lindsey to squeal with delight. But her delight was short-lived. Catherine yanked her daughter out of Gil's arms, admonishing her for running. Lindsey was too young to realize fear was behind Catherine's anger and immediately burst into tears. She pushed at Catherine, trying to get away from her. When that didn't work she stretched her arms towards Gil, babbling the only sound she knew, "da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da." Gil looked down at his shirt noticing the mess Lindsey had left behind. His face was filled with fury when he looked back at Catherine. i _

At the time Catherine had assumed he was angry over the shirt. But now, with the three of them sitting in this room she realized his fury had been directed at her, that for a long time Lindsey had been a reminder of her leaving him for Eddie. She looked at Gil. All he wanted at this moment was to hold Lindsey, but she was thirteen and she didn't even allow Catherine to let her hold her often anymore. All he had asked of her was to let him hold her, touch her…and she had left him standing alone in her bathroom.

She stood and walked over to the sofa. She lifted his arm, laid her back against his chest, sitting between his legs. She pulled his arm around her, bringing it to rest on her breast. She turned her head towards him and with what she hoped was a sincere smile whispered "Tonight."

The three of them continued to watch the movie. Catherine nuzzled her head against Gil's neck. He shifted them slightly so that his back was lying against the back of the sofa and Catherine's head rested on the arm. She pulled the throw off the back of the sofa, blanketing their bodies from Lindsey's eyes. Her hands were under his shirt exploring his chest. Gil was frozen in fear. He wanted to move, to touch her in return but Lindsey was in the room. He felt her hands dip inside his boxers slowly stroking his manhood. He reached to stop her only to find her guiding his hand to her center. Gil looked at Catherine but her expression betrayed nothing. He was there, her hand on him, her other hand guiding his hand to her and the only expression on her face was laughter in reaction to something on the television. Her game continued throughout the movie. She instinctively knew when he was becoming too aroused and would back off for a while, choosing those moments to nuzzle into his neck again. Much to Gil's relief Lindsey decided to go to bed as soon as the credits began to roll.

"You know you two are worse than Mike and Lori and they are the make out champions." She mumbled as she went to her room.

They both stopped. It was only after Lindsey's light had been out for half an hour that Catherine moved again, this time sliding completely onto her back and pulling Gil on top of her.

"We could stay here but she's a light sleeper." She pulled his head to her breast, arching towards him as he tried to kiss her through the fabric. Her hand was again in his boxers stroking him. She felt his arousal growing and throbbing within her grasp. She wanted him as close to the edge as she could bring him before going to her room.

"I've forgotten you are so large" she whispered. He pulled her hand from him.

"Cath, we need…she might…" Catherine tried to snake her hand in again but Gil stopped her. She looked at him, cupped his face and smiled.

"Let's go to my room." She stood, taking his hand in hers as she walked down the dark hallway thankful for the split floor design. They walked into her room and she let go of his hand in order to turn on the light and lock the door.

"We don't want her walking in on us." She began to undress when she felt his hands on her. She stiffened.

"Catherine are you sure you want this?" His voice was soft, gentle and reassuring. She inhaled deeply forcing her body to relax before turning to face him.

"Are you?" She wound her arms around his neck pulling his head towards her. She traced his earlobe with her tongue before pushing his head lower. She felt his hands and mouth upon her breasts touching and tasting as he once again removed her bra. She concentrated on her breathing. Inhale. Exhale. She felt his hands push away the shorts she had been wearing, stopping briefly to admire her green boy shorts before pushing them away. He looked up at her from his place on the floor.

"How can you be even more beautiful than fourteen years ago?" She smiled a wistful smile, still breathing and replied "I need you."

Gil guided them to the bed, gently laying her on her back. He then began to slide his hands along her leg, trailing behind them with his lips, bypassing her center and making his way down the other leg.

"Come here." Catherine's voice was husky. He crawled up to her only to find himself being pushed back towards her center. He lapped at her core before sliding one, two and then three fingers inside of her. Curling and pumping his fingers he then began to alternate sucking and nipping at her bundle of nerves. Her hips thrust in encouragement. She continued to breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. He felt her as she fell over the edge. He pulled forward just enough for her to press his head into her abdomen. His kissed her softly. She exhaled.

"Gil. I need you. Inside. Now." He looked at her face, her eyes closed tightly. Her legs slid along his as her hand reached to guide his manhood to her. He eased himself into her, feeling her stiffen again and stopped.

"Catherine?" Everything she did and said was telling him that she wanted this, everything but the fleeting stiffening of her body.

"It's been a while. I just need a moment to adjust." Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

When Gil didn't move she thrust towards him, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist pulling him deeper into her. Reassured, Gil began thrusting slowly but Catherine demanded more. Each thrust became harder and faster. He looked at her, eyes closed and biting her lips. Her nails cut into his back.

"More. Gil." Inhale. Exhale. She felt his rhythm became erratic and she knew he was nearing the edge. She pulled him to her as her body began to spasm. A few thrusts more and she felt his hot seed exploding inside her.

They lay together until their breathing returned to normal. Gil pulled away, rolling onto his back. He reached out to pull Catherine to him only to find she had rolled away and was now curled up on the edge of the bed. He reached to touch her and she stiffened.

"Go to sleep Gil." Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

He pulled her to face him and saw the tears streaming down her face.

"Why?" His voice was clouded with anger and confusion at the realization of what had just happened.

"You needed this." Her hand cupped his face as she kissed his forehead. She turned away from him and exhaled.


	15. Chapter 15

Gil woke from an uneasy slumber to find that sometime during the night he and Catherine had changed positions and were now wrapped up together, face to face with her head resting under his chin. He could feel her breath, shallow and steady, against his shoulder. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to believe just for a moment that this was real. He then pulled away, putting his pillow between them.

He watched as a sleeping Catherine gripped the pillow in place of him, pulling it tightly to her body. Her hands ran along the contours of the pillow as if tracing an image. Apparently the image didn't please her as she pushed the pillow away. She started to turn back on her side when Gil took his pillow back. His movement must have registered in her dreams because she reached out for him. She pulled herself up to his body as her hands repeated the ritual he had watched her perform on the pillow. She traced the length of his arm before running her hand through his hair. Seeming satisfied she pulled closer before continuing. He felt her hands running along his back and around to his stomach, settling against his growing spare tire. Gil felt a bit indignant as she recoiled from him. Her hands found him once more as they traced the contours of his face, her brow creased in confusion as she felt his beard. Sadness replaced the confusion as she started to pull away. Her hand fell from his face, resting momentarily on his chest. He saw her scrunch her nose up as she smelled something familiar. Before he could decide whether to be insulted or not she had wound herself tightly against him, snuggling so close to him that he doubted she could breathe. She signed contentedly, her hands resting on his chest as she settled into an even deeper sleep.

Lindsey stumbled from her bedroom at a bright and early 1:00PM, tripping over herself as she made her way to the kitchen for something to eat. It was a new day, hopefully one that would be less strange than last night. Gil and her mother had weirded her out with their silence and blank stares and snuggling. It reminded her of when her parents would fight and make up. A small sigh of thanks escaped her because she knew that Gil would have left last night. There would be no weird behavior as her mom wouldn't have to pretend to be happy. She dug a pop tart out of the pantry and grabbed a glass of juice before heading for the sofa.

The throw was laying half on the sofa and half in the floor. She sat down and pulled it over her body as she flipped the remote. Her happy bubble lasted another 30 seconds. It took that long for her brain to register that Gil's shoes had tumbled out of the throw when she picked it up.

Gil was still watching a sleeping Catherine. He had made a trip to the bathroom only to come back to bed and find his pillow unceremoniously tossed onto the floor and Catherine curled up in a ball on the other side of the bed. He grabbed the pillow and crawled back into the bed. Within minutes Catherine was performing the same ritual she had earlier. Gil once again put the pillow between them hoping to keep his distance. He watched her expression as her hands searched the pillow, once again tossing it away when she wasn't satisfied with what she found. He retrieved his pillow and crawled into bed again. Once more he watched as her hands found him. Once more she pulled herself to him. Once more she eased into a more restful slumber, only this time as she rested he pushed the hair from her face.

"Mom? Are you awake?" Gil jerked out of Catherine's arms when Lindsey knocked causing Catherine to wake with a start.

"Mom, are you okay?" Lindsey knocked again with more force than before. Catherine pushed her hair back and noticed Gil was still there. His expression was that of a deer caught in the headlights.

"Mom, the door's locked. Is Gil with you?" Lindsey's voice was filled with an urgency that bordered on fear.

"What do you want Lindsey?" Catherine's voice was drowsy and low.

"Nothing. I just thought you'd be up by now." Her voice quivered and gave away her little white lie.

"We'll be out in a while. Go watch television." Catherine's tone left no room for argument. She listened as her daughter made her way back to the family room. Satisfied she was gone Catherine sat up and turned to Gil.

"I'll shower first. She doesn't need to see you alone right now." Gil watched as Catherine's naked form walked into the bathroom. He winched as he heard her lock the door. Alone and bored he decided to look for something to read. A free mind meant thinking about last night and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

He slid open the nightstand and ruffled through it's contents. Vogue, Cosmo, People, a couple of Jackie Collins novels, a vibrator and at the very bottom a very tattered photo album, one that had obviously been looked through often. He opened the album to find a very young Catherine in Eddie's arms. The picture was taken in a nightclub. The next few pages had pictures from the same club. On the fifth page he found a picture of the two of them on the beach. It was their honeymoon. The pages that followed had pictures of them from various holidays and outings that covered the span of three years. He turned another page and found no pictures. He thought maybe the pages had been skipped accidentally and turned to the next page where the photographs once again picked up. The pictures there started almost a year after the last picture in the album. Gil turned back to the blank page and looked at the empty space. The inside corners of the page were indented with a strange pattern. He looked at the album and saw a small fishing lure that had fallen between the prongs. He picked it up and found it to be attached to the album with fishing line that had been run through a small hole in one of the blank pages. He saw another hole. The another. There were several small holes in the page, each hole worn and frayed. For whatever reason the lure was obviously important to Catherine and was something that she looked at often.

The sound of the shower door sliding open alerted Gil and he quickly put the album back where he found it. Catherine walked out of the bathroom with her hair wrapped in a towel and crossed to her dresser.

"You're up. I'll make us some coffee." She pulled out a pair of shorts and a tank top. Gil walked to the bathroom without a word. She turned to look at the door after he closed it. Her eyes fell to the ground as she sighed before heading for the kitchen.

Catherine poured the coffee into the filter and hit the power switch and the machine started to drip. She took two cups from the cabinet and set them by the machine. She heard Lindsey walk into the kitchen while she was searching the fridge for something to eat.

"Just say it Lindsey" she said as she dug through the meat drawer. When her daughter didn't respond she turned to look at her.

"He was too tired to drive, okay. I told him he could sleep here." Mentally she kicked herself for repeating the line her mother had always feed her to explain Sam's presence. Lindsey still didn't speak.

"I'm entitled to a life you know." It was a justification and she knew it.

They both looked up as a freshly washed, still damp Gil walked into the room. Catherine poured him some coffee and set it on the bar.

"Good morning." He smiled at Lindsey who looked back at him with disgust.

"She's not speaking to us right now." Catherine had decided on cantaloupe for breakfast but she pulled out bacon and eggs from the fridge for Gil. As she cooked she tried to break the silence her daughter had forced on all of them.

"Maybe we can go to the park later. Gil can gather bugs while we walk." She forced a smile to her face but was met with a stony expression from her daughter.

"Okay. Maybe not. How about we convince Gil to clean the pool and go for a swim?" She winked at Gil.

"Well I don't have a suit." His response was as uncomfortable as everything else that was being said.

"You'll just have to run to your place and pick it up. You should probably bring a few changes of clothing over here anyway." The false happiness in her voice was missed by no one. The only reason Gil didn't object was his fear of upsetting Lindsey more than she already was.

"I hate you. I hate you both." Lindsey's outburst took both of them by surprise. "Why do you have to act all happy?" She looked at Catherine as tears welled in her eyes. "Where did he hit you?"

"Lindsey, Gil didn't…" Catherine was mortified.

"Shut up!" She turned on Gil. "I thought you were different but you aren't. You're just like the rest of them only you're worse because you made me believe you were nice." She was screaming at him with all her might.

"Lindsey, what do you think…?" Gil was in shock at what she was implying.

"Why did you let him hit you? Why are you so nice to him?"

"Lindsey calm down."

"At least when Daddy hit you he did it where I could see it." She was now tugging at Catherine's shirt looking for bruises. "I hate him!" She looked at Gil. Catherine was baffled by Lindsey's behavior. She took her in her arms.

"Calm down baby" she soothed as she rubbed her daughter's back.

"Daddy was high. He didn't know what he was doing. But you weren't. You meant it and I hate you." She was sobbing uncontrollably and Catherine tightened her grasp. She then pushed her daughter from her, hands on her shoulders.

"Lindsey that is enough. I don't know what you think happened but whatever it is you are wrong. Gil didn't hurt me." Lindsey shook her head in disbelief. "Fine. Look for yourself." Catherine slid her tank top off and turned around so Lindsey could see she was alright.

"You need to apologize to Gil right now and then go to your room and calm down." Lindsey grudgingly apologized to Gil before storming off to her room. The two of them looked after her for a moment. Gil opened his mouth to speak but was stopped by Catherine.

"Not here." She grabbed his hand and pulled him to the garage. She climbed into her SUV. When Gil just stood there she frowned, rolled her eyes and said, "Lesson one. The walls have ears. Anything you say will be used against you in a future fight. Now get in and shut the door before you start talking."

"What the hell happened in there?" His voice was angry as he spit the words out.

"I guess she was upset you spent the night." He couldn't believe how nonchalantly she said it.

"She was more than upset. She thought I'd hit you." The pain of Lindsey's accusation burned deeper than anything he'd ever felt.

"She knows you wouldn't hit me. I think maybe last night reminded her of the fights I used to have with Eddie. And then having you here…it's the first time a man has stayed overnight since Eddie."

"I don't like it."

"I've already said I'm sorry Gil. I was wrong." How could the man be judging her right now? It was infuriating.

"Why would you think I'd…What is going on in your head?" Did she really think an apology would be enough? Was her thinking so off that she considered this normal?

"It was what you wanted wasn't it?"

"Damn it Catherine." He looked at her, exasperated. "Yes I wanted you but not like that."

"It's sex Gil. I initiated it. There is no 'like that.' It was what it was."

"That's not what I meant."

"Do you remember why Eddie and I split up the first time?"

"Because of your job."

"Yeah. When I went into the field and started pulling overtime it cut into our time alone. Eddie didn't take it so well. When I agreed to give us another chance I made a promise to myself that he would never have to go without. It was easy at first, we both wanted each other. He was so understanding during the latter part of my pregnancy, willing to try new things because of my swelling body. But after Lindsey was born things changed. Between work and Lindsey I was exhausted. We'd still make love but I just couldn't…I was too tired. Eddie made a comment one night and I realized I had broken my promise. From then on if I was too tired I would just fake it. But everything drained me so much. I came home one day, crawled into bed and was almost asleep when he came in. I was so tired I just couldn't but I didn't want to disappoint Eddie so I did a line. It gave me what I needed. The sex was great for both of us."

"Oh Catherine." She had always kept up the appearance of being strong. He would never have imagined her reaching this point for something she didn't believe in.

"It was the first time I'd done a line since I found out I was pregnant. But it made the marriage work." She rubbed the back of her head. "At least for a while."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither knowing what to say next. Gil was the first to speak.

"I think we need to tell her what is going on."

"Yup." Catherine paused. "But I think we need to find out for sure before we do. I'll make an appointment for us on Monday."

"You should set up an appointment for Lindsey to see a counselor also. She needs to learn how to deal with her memories."

"You're right" sighed Catherine, "but she isn't very cooperative. We tried counseling after Eddie died."

"I should go. I've got some things I need to take care of at home." He opened the door. "I'll see you at work on Monday. Plan on having breakfast with me after you drop Lindsey off at school." With that he walked out the side door of the garage.

Catherine sat alone for a few minutes collecting her thoughts. At least Gil was being civil about everything. Eddie would have brought in lawyers immediately. She made a mistake last night but they would work through it somehow. They had to for Lindsey. Another sigh escaped her lips as she headed back in to deal with her daughter.


	16. Chapter 16

Catherine: I'm always defending myself to you….Season 5 (get exact quote)

The days passed quickly. Catherine set up an appointment to confirm which man was Lindsey's father. Gil cancelled their breakfast because he was working over, never bothering to set a new date. He just confirmed their appointment with the doctor. They weren't consciously avoiding each other but they didn't seek each other out. The nature of their new cases kept them from working together.

Thursday morning they both left work early for their appointment, each in their own vehicle. They waited in an unnatural silence in the lobby of the clinic. When they were called back they were greeted by a man who looked younger than Greg Sanders.

"Hi. I'm Dr. Everett. Please sit down." Catherine and Gil obliged. Dr. Everett observed their defensive body language before continuing. I see we are here for a paternity test for…" he looked at Catherine, "…your daughter. Is she not here with you?"

"No. We don't want her to know about this yet."

"Well, it is hard to do this without a proper…" Catherine pulled a swab and a vial of blood from her purse and handed it to him, "…sample." He took the items from her. "While I appreciate your enthusiasm, we need to make sure this is done properly."

"I work for the Las Vegas Crime Lab and I am a trained medical technician. The sample was done properly."

"Ah, I see. Do you have samples for yourselves?"

"No." Gil spoke for the first time.

"OK. We'll get that taken care of shortly. I'm going to need a little background information." He looked at the file. "I see your daughter is thirteen. Usually we run these tests for parents of young children. What prompted you to do this?"

Catherine explained the situation, including the study that Wendy was doing.

"Mr. Grissom, it says here you also work for the same employer." The doctor shuffled through his patient history forms.

"Yes."

"So I'm assuming you both are in the system?"

"Yes." Dr. Everett wondered if this man ever said more than one word.

"You could have your results much faster if you just used your lab." He took his glasses off as he spoke.

"This is personal." Catherine knew better than to suggest using the office lab after Gil's reaction to her having Greg run her DNA against Sam Braun's.

"Did you not suspect Mr. Grissom could be your daughter's father?"

"There was no reason to think he was her father…" Dr. Everett cut her off.

"I disagree. If there was no reason you wouldn't be here now." He looked at both of them. Gil flashed a look of anger at Catherine, which was not missed by her or the doctor.

"Gil, I've already told you that Eddie and I didn't have sex till after I had cycled." She then looked at the doctor. "It's that simple. I had a period, the universal sign for not pregnant. We're doing this here because our lab has messed up samples somewhere."

"Miss Willows, did you spot any during your pregnancy?"

"A little, yes."

"Was it limited to the first trimester or did it continue throughout your pregnancy?" He checked off a box on his paperwork. Catherine thought for a moment before answering.

"Throughout my pregnancy." She wondered where he was going with his questions.

"Have you had any other pregnancies?"

"No." Gil spoke.

"Um, yes. One." Her voice was low and reserved. Gil looked at her in disbelief.

"I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks."

"During that time did you spot at all?" The doctor looked up from his paperwork.

"Actually, I didn't know I was pregnant until I had the miscarriage."

"So you were bleeding during the pregnancy?"

"Yes. I don't see what this has to do with a DNA test."

"Most women who are pregnant find out because they were late. This applies to both wanted and unwanted pregnancies. However, there is a percentage of women who actually continue to bleed for part or even all of their pregnancy. I believe you are one of these women. As for the paternity of your daughter, we'll have to wait on the results to come in, approximately two weeks.

"I didn't know you'd had a miscarriage." The two of them left Dr. Everett's office together. Gil walked Catherine to her car.

"It was a long time ago." She opened the door. "I need to go if I'm going to get any sleep before I need to pick up Lindsey." She started the engine and pulled away leaving Gil standing alone in the parking lot.

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"How was school?" A very sleepy Catherine picked Lindsey up from school. She'd managed to get almost two hours sleep.

"Great. I busted my knee when I fell down the stairs, tripped and spilled spaghetti on my clothes at lunch and I failed PE." Her delivery was dry.

"Failed PE?" Lindsey cut her mother off before she could finish.

"Oh and I have detention for a week and you have a parent-teacher conference on Monday."

"Lindsey!" Catherine was too tired to deal with another discipline issue right now.

"It was just a little PDA."

"What?"

"Public Display of Affection."

"I know what it means. What were you caught doing?"

"It was just kissing Sean."

"Between classes?"

"Well it started between lunch and music."

"Started?"

"We only frenched a little."

"You are so grounded again."

"And he did feel me up."

"What?"

"Oh please. That's when Mr. Carradine busted us in the bathroom."

"What were you doing in the bathroom?"

"We were in a stall."

"Oh my God."

"Don't worry. I had my clothes on." Catherine relaxed just a bit.

"Sean was missing his pants though." Lindsey rubbed at a stain on her shirt. "Mom does this stuff come out?"

Catherine slammed on the brakes and turned to confront her daughter only to see her laughing like a madwoman.

"I'm kidding. I wouldn't do that. Besides Sean's face is covered with acne and he has braces."

"Then?" Catherine's face was red and puffy with anger.

"I'm failing PE. I just wanted to put things in their proper perspective."

"Well, you are still grounded." She pulled back into traffic. "How can you fail PE?"

"I suck at volleyball."

"Lindsey."

"Well, I do." It was the truth, no point in lying about it. They made their way home. Catherine prepared a snack for her daughter and headed back to bed.

Three hours later Lindsey went to her mother's room to wake her. She snickered when she saw the pillow on the floor. Her mom had some sort of grudge against pillows. More often than not when Lindsey came to wake her mother up she would find a pillow lying somewhere in the floor.

She picked up the pillow, put it back in the bed and then crawled in. She giggled as she watched her mother. It didn't matter where Lindsey crawled into the bed because within minutes Catherine would be moving towards her in her sleep. Lindsey remembered how when she was little she and her dad would play a game. Lindsey would get in bed and they'd let Catherine snuggle up to her. Then Lindsey would squirm out of her grasp and go the other side of the bed and wait on her mom to follow. Eddie used to tell Lindsey that she was her mother's snugglebug. He would talk about how before she was born Catherine slept like a log. And how after she found out she was pregnant she started abusing pillows in her sleep. He told Lindsey that Catherine had even pushed him out of the bed on several occasions. Then after she was born her mother would rest contentedly whenever Lindsey was in her arms. Every time he told her the story, every time they played their game Lindsey felt as if she were the most important and most loved person in the world.

She felt her mother's arms wrap around her and she sighed. They were having so many problems and sometimes Lindsey just hated her mother. And sometimes, in spite of what she said and did, she just wanted to be held in her mother's arms and know how much she was loved. So on those days she would go to Catherine's room early so that she could snuggle without her mom knowing she needed it. Today was definitely one of those days. Truth be told it was one of those weeks.

She knew her mom dated but she'd never had anyone stay overnight before. The fact that it was Gil made it even worse. Lindsey loved Gil. He was like an uncle to her but her dad had always told Lindsey that her mom and Gil had a thing and that was the reason why Catherine had left him. So even though Lindsey loved Gil she didn't want him with her mother.

Lindsey snuggled in a little closer to her mother and whispered, "I love you Mom." Catherine heard her and opened her eyes.

"Hey baby" she said groggily. "This is my favorite way to wake up." She kissed her daughter softly on her forehead before closing her eyes again.

"Mine too."

"I miss this. When you were little you woke me up like this all the time." Her eyes were still closed as she pulled Lindsey to her.

"I'm not a baby anymore." Lindsey moved slightly as if to get away from her mother's grasp, but not enough for Catherine to let go.

"I know but I still miss it." They lay there for several minutes just enjoying each other's company.

"Mom."

"Yeah baby."

"Did Daddy hit you all the time?"

"What?" Catherine's eyes opened wide at her daughter's question.

"It's just…I remember things but they are really vague."

"No baby. We fought a lot. We'd shove each other sometimes but he only hit me a few times."

"Why do I remember your screaming and the bruises on your body?"

"I think you are remembering two different things, honey. Your dad and I had this huge fight and things got out of control. He threw punches. I threw punches back at him. We didn't realize you were watching until after it was over. How on earth can you remember that? You couldn't have been more than three when it happened."

"I remember it. I was standing over there and I saw it." She pointed to the doorway of Catherine's bedroom.

"Oh, Lindsey. I'm so sorry." She lowered her head, ashamed that she and Eddie had exposed her daughter to their fighting.

"What about the screaming I used to hear when I was in bed?" Catherine blushed a bright crimson.

"We weren't fighting I promise." A small laugh escape despite her attempts to keep it inside.

"Oh that's gross." Lindsey pulled away from her mom.

"I'm glad to hear you say that but trust me when I tell you that you'll change your mind in the next few years."

"Not THAT! I was talking about you and Daddy." Catherine let the laughter flow at her daughter's reaction.

"Well, Lindsey you weren't dropped off by the stork."

"Stop. Stop. Stop." Lindsey covered her ears. The idea that her parents ever…EW! "Lalalalalalalalalalala! I'm not listening." Lindsey eventually uncovered her ears and the laughter died down.

"Baby, is that memory the reason you though Gil hit me?"

"You and Daddy would lay on the couch like that when you were fighting."

"I guess we thought you were too little to notice."

"But I did." Her voice was full of hurt and confusion. She still didn't understand her parents' relationship. She never would. She loved them both and they loved her. Why they couldn't love each other was beyond her comprehension.

"Look at me. Not everyone relationship is like the one your father and I shared. Life isn't perfect. People aren't perfect. Sometimes we hurt the ones we love without meaning to. Sometimes we strike out with our hands. Sometimes it is with our words. It doesn't make it right but it happens."

"Is that why you and Daddy got a divorce?"

"Part of it. It's complicated." She brushed her fingers through her daughter's hair. "Love isn't easy sweetie. Television and movies make it seem like once you declare your love for someone that life will be perfect. It isn't. Your father could make me feel beautiful. He could make me feel needed and loved, but he could also make me feel like a complete failure. And I probably made him feel the same way." A wistful smile made its way to Catherine's face. She had never said this aloud to anyone.

"You know you are my world." Lindsey rolled her eyes in disgust at her mother. However, inside she was beaming. No matter what, she loved her mother more than she would ever let her know. And moments like this would remain as precious memories for the rest of her life.


End file.
